You observe, I observe

“Back to the roots…?”

Its been a very long time since I’ve done this. I used to enjoy just “lurking in the shadows”, observing people around me, whether it was on the street, or in a mall or wherever I came to.

Today I found myself sitting alone in a caffe, silently drinking my coffee, and as I looked up from my phone, I saw an interesting scene in front of me. Ive seen a young (I suppose) couple sitting right in front of my table. The whole set up was weird, so it intrigued me enough to pay attention.

I suddenly felt a strong urge to know what they were talking about. It was like a junkie who needed a fit after a long time of being clean. Well, but since my ears werent cooperating I just sat there and looked at them (of course it was not in an intense way, just looked at them, then away and then a few moments later I looked back- did not want to look like a psycho).

I also felt like I am their shrink, because in my mind, I created a few scenarios what is happening between them. It was either a “friends that wannabe couple, but too shy to admit it” coffee or a “post breakup” coffee or…maybe a fight related coffee? Because the way they talked (or rather did not) had some strange vibe- I mean, don’t get me wrong, the girl was just staring at him, smiling a little (Mysteriously? Ironically?), while he nervously looked around, at his feet, at his phone,litti g a second cigarette…they said a few words to each other and then went back to silence. Should I take it that he was too shy, or that she had feelings for him and he did not reciprocate? Or was it really a fight-ish kind of coffee date, where they needed to discuss problems that occured between them over time? Why would it be in public then?

These are the questions that were flying in my head while watching this little made up movie in front of me.

I find it quite fascinating to just watch a scene like this and just use the fantasy to make up the rest of the story in my head.

I seriously craved to know the rest of the story, but it was too late, they got up and left. What a pity. The feeling of not knowing the truth has always been a bummer for me, always took me some time to loose the feeling of pittiness because of not knowing something. But I always get over it, I am not that crazy.

I used to think I am good at reading people, but as I said, Imma little rusty at this point- this was like my “Im back” kind of moment. Haha, nah, I just got lazy I suppose, I honestly stopped caring, I stopped thinking about what was happening in front of me, what was happening with people around me. Does that sound a bit selfish? Probably. Should I do something with it? Probably not.

But I have to admit, I quite enjoyed it today…it got me reminiscing about my old times, my weird coffee dates, my past…maybe I should do that more often to start thinking more because sometimes I feel like I stopped doing that as well. Of course, for the purpose to not thinking about my own problems, per usual.

What a fine distraction for a Saturday afternoon.

Covid Diary Part 3 – “What is going to happen tomorrow?”

What am I supposed to do, other than clean the apartment, cook lunch and watch the whole Netflix, every day?

Those were my thoughts during the first weeks of quarantine.
I remember waking up in the morning, staring into the wall, being like ” “am I going to be fancy today and finally switch from pajamas into sweatpants?” or “I have not washed my hair in like a week…to wash or not to wash?” or even “am I going to watch 2 or 3 whole series today?” and so on.

I am 100% sure that I am not the only one. The safe haven of bed or couch was something that we all welcomed with opened arms at the very beginning of the pandemic (some of us still do that even today), because our tired bodies and minds craved it. After some time the feeling of being tired got switched to being bored because you finished Netflix and other similar platforms.
There were some rare days when I grabbed the car keys, went to the nearest town (where I worked), bought myself a gas station coffee/ smokes and sat in front of the building where I worked at that time (a small caffe) in a locked car, I drank my coffee in silence, smoked a few cigarettes and went home.
There was nothing to do.
Nowhere to go from there.
Just waiting
and waiting
and waiting
…for the better days to come.

I remember going to buy groceries for the first time in weeks wearing protective mask, over that protective mask I wore a scarf. I also wore glasses ( prescription ones, that I am supposed to wear everyday because I am legally blind *haha*, but since I was a rebel at that time, I used to leave them at home, walking the earth half blind), a beanie (because I have not washed my hair in forever) and a hoodie over my head. I was also wearing gloves and no jewelery, scared to even look at people who were touching baked goods with their “naked” hands. That was the initial feeling of going out to public after some time being hidden behind the walls of our home- being scared to even touch a grocery cart because of germs.
In the store there was literally one empty shelve after another- people started to bake like crazy, there was no flour, no yeast because some morons decided to buy 40-50 pieces and did not care that other people might be interested as well- and that, my friends, lasted for like first 3-4 months.

We lacked disinfection products because of hoarders as well, everything was sold out and nobody knew when the shops, groceries, pharmacies or even e-shops would restock. I remember seeing a video, from groceries where some lady screamed at a grocery employee (fifty shades of disgusting swear words) because she was “sure” that the employee hid some disinfecting products in the back for herself. It was disgusting to watch the poor employee trying to explain that the prodducts were sold out, but the angry lady would not stop yelling. It was horrible to watch. And do not let me start on the disinfection soap- ladies and gentlemen, people started to wash their hands in 2020- wow!!
The only thing that was easy to get were protective masks- people were really nice about it at first, for example villages sewed masks for all the people who needed it (for example where I live, every house got one or two per person according to the number of people living in one house). There were also a lot of tutorials trending over the whole Internet, how to make your own mask at home, using only a sock or whatever, that was also nice and innovative. People tried their best…and I think some of them are still trying.

It was kind of spooky to look around- we have never had any kind of pandemic of this level here, so seeing people with masks, applying hand sanitizer every few minutes, not laughing together, not sitting at caffes, enjoying a hot beverage or meal together…was kind of overwhelming. We all had to adapt to this new world, whether we liked it or not.
It was like the sun was suddenly covered by a heavy grey cloud and the sun have not come out since. Do not take me in a wrong way- there were some good days, I am not saying there were not, but the pressure of the situation was still with us, with a never ending question overstaying its welcome in our minds, rotating day and night- “What is going to happen tomorrow?”

I have never been scared for my own health, since I am still young and if anything happened to me, I would be able to overcome it, but I am living with other much older people and I was scared for them, their health, their life- never mine. I would never forgive myself if something happened to them because of me. I am still till this day trying to protect myself the best I can because the worries never left my body.

At the beginning there was an irrational fear, then there was not and then it was here in a new form again.

Stick around if you want to find out why.

N.

Covid Diary Part 2 – How it all started

“…locked in our castles, waiting for a key or a potion to set us all free.”

Hey there!

Isn’t it strange that we are actually living in a movie Contagion (2011) for almost a year? If you guys did not see it, you should totally watch it because now, we are like the main protagonists of a very long movie, trying to survive whatever comes into our way.
Not that I want to sound depressing that this situation will never end, but a year is a freaking long time and if you are reading from Europe or America or wherever in the world, all of our countries have different levels of madness there, I am sure of that, but we still have the same reality- living with a virus that is not ready to leave us alone.

I actually think a lot about the day it started and I wanted to share it with you, because the way I looked at things, it was literally like cut out of some weird apocalyptic movie. It was a day just like other days, of course there was weird stuff in the news and in the papers previous days, but I was not giving it so much attention, because I thought it was just some exaggeration -per usual.

It happened on 13th March, I was at work, just minding my own business- I was working at a caffe in a small town where I live, I was of course noticing that there were not so many people that day, but I did not really care because there are days and days- one day you have 50 customer and the next you have 20, I was glad I can rest and read some barista book someone left at the counter.

I was dealing with an order of an older couple who came in and simultaneously reading how to make a beautiful coffee art and I suddenly got a call from my boss that something is wrong, that she have seen a lot of police cars from her window at home, that went to this one bar across her street and a lot of people leaving after the police come into the building. She said that she will call me when she knows more.

So I just went on with my work, cleaned the dishes a little, restocked the fridge, but then suddenly I noticed a police car stopping in front of the caffe. We had these big ass windows, so I saw very clearly who came out of the car. The two police men that stepped out I knew personally (I live in a very small town, so it is not so hard to make “connections”- *laughs*, nah, I am just kidding, they are my neighbors), so I thought they are on the break and coming in for some coffee and chill. They came in and I was like “Hey guys, business or pleasure today?” – I smiled and I was truly amused by my horribly awkward joke, but they were not amused at all, which was a first red flag. One of them just leaned on the bar, lowered his voice and asked me why is the caffe still opened, I was like “Is something wrong? What’s up?” And he just said that I have to ask everyone to leave and close the caffe or else my boss will get a huge fine for not respecting the decree – the covid virus is getting out of control and all cafes’ bars and everything that has nothing to do with groceries, pharmacy or shops essential for living has to close immediately. I just stood there and looked at them like what the fuck? They quickly explained that if the caffe is not closed till noon they have to report it. And then they left.

Once the door closed behind them, I called my boss and she told me with a very sad voice to politely ask the customers to leave immediately and lock up. I did as she asked, people were so nice and they all paid and left in a hurry. I locked up and was waiting for my boss and my colleague to arrive, we cleaned up a little, had a last coffee together, talked for a while and I packed my stuff and I was ready to leave- at that minute I felt that something was ending as well as some kind of tension in my stomach, like I was afraid of going out of the caffe because somewhere deep inside I knew that this is over and something bad is waiting for me once I leave. Yeah, I told you that it felt like a dystopian movie, where very very weird shit was about ho happen.

I went to groceries afterwards to buy some food because I remember that I checked the fridge at the morning and it was lonely, sad and empty. I came to the shop and all I saw was madness- people grabbing food in a hurry, I actually saw some people fight over yeast for baking which made me roll my eyes in disbelief. I was passing empty shelves, like the world was literally ending and we have to hide into our bomb shelters and wait there till the next winter. I am not making fun of the situation, on the contrary, I was terrified, I did not know what to expect in the next days, so I just grabbed what I needed and quickly tried to exit, but my phone started ringing.

I looked at the screen and it was my future mother in law, asking me if I can stop by pharmacy, because they need some meds. I was like no problemo, I can stop by the pharmacy, since I needed some stuff from there as well. The pharmacy was only a few meters away from where I was standing, but as I was looking at my phone I did not notice a huge queue of people and I came to the door and as I wanted to enter, but an old, very unpleasant lady told me to go back into the queue because she was standing there for 10minutes now. I just looked at her like what? Looked over my shoulder and noticed that there are like 10 angry people looking at me very in a very dangerous way, so I just apologized and went to the back of the queue. As I was standing there I had some time to read the online news and as I read article after article, I got more and more scared. After excruciating 25minutes of waiting, I finally got into the pharmacy, where I asked for some meds and I wanted two packages of everything I asked for, but the lady behind the counter told me that she can only give me one package of each, because of the decree from “above”- aka to prevent hoarders to buy 20 packages and other people would not get to buy them. I tried to explain that one is not for me, but she did not really care and told me that I can leave with only one, so I gave up and took the one she offered me.

Afterwards I still had some time, so I went outside and decided to go to another pharmacy to get other meds. As I was walking through town, the whole atmosphere was strange, it was sunny outside, but windy and the wind was very cold and sneaking under the clothes, inside to the bones. Even the weather felt that something is going on. I saw people rushing home, trying to be at least a few meters away from other people walking on the street, they were frowning, what was not that weird- but they were frightened. I came to the other pharmacy and after I walked in, the lady behind the counter told me that they are out of the necessary meds- freaking hoarders got to them first. Long story short, I tried two more pharmacies and finally got everything I needed and I was waiting for my bf to come and pick me up.

He finally came and I sat into the warm car, totally cold as ice, and as we were passing the streets I was just looking out of the window, thinking what the hell I just witnessed…I was just shocked, quite scared and felt a little nervous because I was not sure what to expect in next days…I did not know at that time that a year will pass and I would be writing about it, because it is still going on, locked in our castles, waiting for a key or a potion to set us all free.
Back then it was new and scary- today, it is just scary and I still cannot wrap my head around it, I still somehow wait that I will wake up from this weird dream and everything will be different…but then I am not sure if things would have happened the same if the situation around us was different. Well, what to say…stick around if you want to read more 🙂 (cheesy? yea well, every good story has a sequel)

But for now, let me stop here.

But not for long.

See ya.

N.

Covid Diary Part 1 – This is a process

Do you ever just shotgun your morning coffee and for like 5 minutes have hope that everything is gonna be okay?

~

Then you look out of the window, see the empty streets, only a few people rushing to work, while they still can, and you think about the whole situation, while trying to wake your mind up.

It has really been almost a year since we are locked in our houses and there is not much to do, just to be glad that you still have a job, that you can go to groceries, that you can even go to your own garden a breathe a fresh air that did not come out of anyones lungs at home. Look at it from the other side and for now, be happy for the small things, because even small things might help you hold your head above the water.

Enjoy a beautiful sunset.
Enjoy a good laugh.
Enjoy your favorite meal.
Enjoy small things for once, because not everything has to be big and monumental all the time.

I am a stay-at-home person, I do not really mind staying home because that is just the person I am, I do not suffer because I cannot go out and meet people- I used to have a contact job where I met numerous people every single day and I enjoyed it- the small talks, coffees, the contact in general, but after some time at home I stopped having the urge to go out. Of course, I miss my close circle I used to have, but people are having their own problems and their own life to deal with now and I think it is time to hold on and hope for a better tomorrows, no matter how long we will have to- and that is what is important right now.

I understand that people are depressed because they cannot go out and have fun like they used to, and they do not really want to hear a classic phrase “Just keep a positive mindset!” …sometimes all they need to hear is “Look, I know this fucking sucks right now, but I know you and I know how strong you are and you can push through this!” and man, that is one of the most powerful and calming things you can tell somebody who really needs to hear it.

Have you ever thought about the reasons, why this situation might not be as bad as it seems?

Now you get to spend a little bit time with yourself, deal with your inner demons, calm down, realize things that you were supposed to realize long time ago and focus on you and your mental health, in order to be better and most importantly, feel better with yourself.

Use this time to maybe rediscover something that has been thrown into the corner of your mind and let it fulfill you again.

Rediscover songs that you used to listen to and think about how they make you feel alive again, reminisce about how they made you feel, listen to every word and let it consume you.

Reach out to people you have not been in contact with for some time, because you never know if they are not feeling the same. Talk to one another, be there for each other.

This is a process.
Focus on you.
Enjoy small things.
This is something that may help us reboot our systems.
To realize that we are actually lucky to be here today.
That we are healthy.
That we are still here.
Because so many people do not have that luxury nowadays.

Think about it.

N.

Covid made me do it?

Hello there.

If there is someone out there, who used to be my reader, rest assured I am not dead.
I am still here, alive and kicking, even though one might think after that last post in 2018 that I offed myself or whatever.

Sadly, what is true, I haven’t been writing since 2018 until today.
I have to confess, I totally burned out and I was not able to continue no more.

When I was reading some of my old posts from this blog, to just nostalgically let the memories flow through me, I have noticed that I used to write a freaking lot- I stumbled upon a post where there was a note that it was my 200th post and I was like what the hell?
What to say, I must have been really passionate, to write almost every day.

But why I came here today? I actually do not have a clear idea why I decided to come back.
Out of pure boredom? Nah, I would not say so.
You know, we are living in a covid lockdown for almost a year now. I have been struggling with my hobbies as such since 2018, do not judge me, I have not found anything yet. I suppose writing is still my safety blanket and since I was not able to find anything new, I came back to something I used to do and love.

Should I ask if Covid times made me do it? Probably yes.
Will I continue writing after this one post? I fucking do not know.
Do I want to?

….Yes.

N.

Collapse in Suburbia

Let’s start from the beginning of my end.

Honestly, lately I’ve been really struggling with my mental health. And I am not saying it for you to pity me, it’s just a fact. I’ve stopped feeling happy in life, do things that I used to do everyday, stopped sleeping, eating propperly…I’ve stopped enjoying what life has to offer.

I am tired of having panic attacks everytime over a minor thing that stresses me out. I can’t deal with the endless pressure on my chest because anxiety is overwhelming my body on the scariest level possible. I am constantly in mental pain over it because inside of me I know it is not normal, it is not a way that a life should be lived.

I am saying this to you because it is my only option, I guess. Not to be harsh or anything but nobody would understand propperly if I said it out loud. Not because people are not able to understand, but if they never experienced it, then they would not be able to have a propper conversation about those stuggles with me. And I don’t want to confuse them more than they might be.

I decided to stop telling people that I am depressed. Since people are people and they have their own life and own problems, I just can’t put my shit on their shoulders and expect them to carry it all with them. That is just selfish and I should have realized that ages ago. It is simply not fair from me to want them to deal with it when I don’t even know how to deal with it on my own.

Yet.

The one thing that maybe bothers me the most is that I’ve stopped doing things that make me feel alive.

I’ve stopped writing.

Drawing (even though I was not that good but I enjoyed it in my free time)

Taking pictures.

…

The only thing that I do nowadays is just listening to sad music and not doing anything progressive. I feel like there is this big hole inside of me that I don’t know how to fix. Simply said- there is something missing. And I know that it might be the purpose of life itself.

What is worse, I don’t know if I will ever be able to find it. At least I’ve been thinking about that lately.

I am 22 now and I still do not know what I want to do in life because I don’t feel like I am “excelling” at anything, that I am not good enough to proceed a carrier in anything that might fulfill me. I am just wandering around without any obtainable destination. I don’t know where I want to go because I have no energy to even think about it.

Sometimes I am asking myself if I should reach out to some guidance but from my past attempts I know that there is nobody who should fix you, be your hero- because you have to be your own hero at the end of the day. And that will never change.

So I am just blindly going in circles and really really struggling with my own sanity and thoughts that are most of the times able to mentally kill me for the majority of the day. Sometimes I get so sad out of the sudden because I read a quote I can relate to or see a picture that remind me certain stuff…as a result- I am emotionally unstable as hell. And the worst part? I realize that on every single level.

Do you think that the oblivious state or mind would be better in this case? Or is it better to be aware?

Anyway, this was a little venting session that I just needed because I don’t feel like talking about it to people without destroying them entirely. I just can’t do that anymore. I am sorry.

I had to get it out and I might focus on the various things I mentioned in greater detail later on.

Maybe.

N.

Who we truly are

It is unbelievable how many people are trying to pretend that they are somebody else.

Like they are pretending that thoughts in their head are being managed by somebody totally different. Just like somebody else just took over their head on their command. The same “somebody else” who fears on behalf of them, someone who takes over everything, who spins all the doubts in their head like over a thousand times a day. Someone who repeats that one mistake all over again for them, while swearing it as the last time now.

What do they get from it?
Is it like a some kind of twisted pleasure?
Really?
Or is it just a sweet feeling?
To die while you are still alive.

What really interests me, when will I ever give up on talking and writing. I will not explain things to those who do not understand and those who do I have nothing to say to.
And yet, I am still trying, like a fool.

Just a habit…habit, habit, habit- repeating itself.

N.

Soul search

∴

Every morning I am waking up bored to reality and through the majority of nights I am rambling about how are we supposed to wake up to the dream we’ve always been dreaming of.

You are sitting at your kitchen table at the morning, looking out of the window, thinking like “how the hell did I get to this mess we call a life?”.
You are in a situation that you might think you won’t survive, that the thing is not going to get solved since life (and also shit) happens.
If you dig into the past, let’s say a year and a half ago, that you and your pride did not think you’d survive and three years ago you were even in a bigger mess than this, you did not think you’d survive either.
The point is, that you are able to always surprise yourself with the amount of strength you have at the bottom of your soul, because every time you think you’re not gonna survive this or that, it always turns out that the bottom will never leave you hanging and help you find your way back.

Maybe one day, you will find the right way back home, because there might be someone waiting for you. The minute you step inside, you discover that you are not the one who’s lost.

N.

Pic source: Tumblr

“I met you for a reason”

←↓→

After hearing this sentence for the first time I immediately thought of people that I will never forget in my life. We do not even have to talk anymore, but you left behind something that made me the person I am today.
Like, have you ever imagined that someone who made such a huge impact on your life, actually never came near you? Do you think that your life would be the same? Ahh, those questions…after all, everybody’s a hero after the fight.

But out of the general point of view, there are people who come to your life that you, on one hand, will never forget even though they are not in your life now, but on the other hand, there are also people who you would be glad that are not in your life anymore, just because of the toxicity of their nature.

As a matter of fact, time goes by so fast, sometimes you do not even realize and one month pass without you even really noticing. My point is, that sometimes (maybe just accidentally) you are forgetting to value those people who are surrounding you. It doesn’t have to be just about the forgetting, but you just simply don’t do it for some unknown reason. The things is, that as long as they are here, appreciate them, make them see it and most importantly never miss an opportunity to tell them how much they mean to you.

Then there are those people that you meet at the most unexpected times of your life, get to know them like a back of your hand, spend a scary amount of time with them and then it hits you and you start thinking about the other side of the card. I mean, you look at them and a sudden thought comes through your head, like- “Damn, it’s gonna hurt so bad when they leave…” But after all, then you shush this thought with a simple “Oh my, I prayed for this and I can’t believe it’s here. It’s happening.” And everything bad just leaves.

In life we meet so many people- like those who give us the best memories, that you will tell your children one day, even though when you met you were just two empty trains entering even emptier station. Even if your railways split at some point (which is always an option) you will follow the way with a feeling that both your presence but also your absence might mean (or meant) something.

We need at least one person in our lives who understands what we do not say. Even if we send just a picture or a song to them, they immediately know what we are trying to say. It’s understandable because there are days when you don’t know how to express yourself, and that’s completely normal.
Those people surround themselves with this notion that I have always wanted to experience – meaning, that it is amazing how some of them can feel like home. It is not a rule that home needs to be just a house and it happens that you feel homesick for them.

Those people touch you without even touching you.

Those people who you think you knew even before getting to know them for real.

Those people who understand every single corner of your mixed up mind.

Those people are insane but important.

..because two souls don’t find each other by simple accident.

I firmly believe we met for a reason, whether it was for making each other happy or for help. I will never stop being a decent person even though there were times when I really wanted to stop, and appreciate them in the best way possible.

That’s my plan- what’s yours?

N.

Pics source: Tumblr

WEEK 9 part 2- The very last day in Germany, Early Lift and Saying Goodbye (Summer experience in Germany)

***

WEDNESDAY

Waking up to the last day  in Germany. To be completely honest, it felt weird, like I have never been this long anywhere other than at my own home and this became my home as well. Maybe not particularly the House, but people, memories, occasions…and so much more.
The last time shutting off the alarm, the last morning routine, the last full morning metro…I mean, I was excited to come home to him, to family and friends but I was feeling that I am going to leave a piece of me here in Germany.

My last day of work was kind of fast- the same daily routine as usual, my colleagues were kind of sad that I am leaving, I would be lying that I did not cry once I shut my locker for the last time and hugged my favorite colleague goodbye. Once I left the company, I knew it’s over and probably I will never see them again.

Metro cutie

I came to the house and immediately started packing a little because our lift back to our country was supposed to come about 11 pm. Me, L and guys wanted to go to groceries to buy some food for the way home as well as some sweets and stuff for family and friends so I packed like 1/3 of it all. We sat on metro and drove like 3 stops to the groceries.
After our shopping was done, it happened.
L’s phone started ringing and it was the guy who was supposed to drive us to our home country. He said that he was supposed to take one more guy to the car but he canceled last minute so it is just me and L. It was about 8 pm and the guy said he is supposed to be at our place in about 45 minutes.

I was immediately like FUCK!! I am not even remotely done with packing.

He was awesome because he said that it is not a problem to wait a little since he was really early. Panic attack that came to my head hit me so hard because I was somehow not ready to leave right away. I wanted to physically and mentally say goodbye to Munich  and people I got to meet there…and I suddenly did not have time. That was so upsetting for me and my head was then all over the place.
We got to the metro station as quick as possible and the battle with time was about to start.

I came “running” to my room and started insanely packing my suitcase and other bags I had and when I was done it was about the time the guy was about to come. I do not know how I managed to do that because when I was packing to Germany, it took me like 4 hours.

I surely was a potato head -_-

I just wanted to run downstairs, tell goodbye to boys and other roommates that were all over the place, just to hug them and leave since I had no time for a proper conversation. Some goodbyes were harder and some of them were normal, you know you can’t create a deeper connection with everybody. That’s life.

This day in Art gallery with those people was like everything!!

So the call came and we were supposed to take our stuff downstairs, we had 16 bags and 2 huge suitcases together with L and I was able to see in the guys eyes that he was really unhappy with this baggage situation. He later told us that he usually charge more for this extra luggage but since it is out first time he let it pass. Thank god! *nervous laugh*

This was the only picture of the luggage we have, but it was the first packing, when we were leaving our House in Garching- the second home packing was 2 bags more.

So I smoked my last cigarette, said my last goodbyes, waved for the last time…and we left. We had a little dinner and both of us fell asleep.
The car was extremely fast and we were back home in less than 5 hours (usually takes 6-7 hours by car). Once I got out of the car and saw my house I felt this sudden relief and all the pressure I was feeling on my chest suddenly disappeared.

I was home.

***

Here we are. This is the end of the story-time of the two months long trip to Germany. I have to admit, apart from other things, I really enjoyed my time here. It gave me some sense of responsibility, meaning that I had to really take care of myself, buy and prepare meal for myself, do my laundry…just, you know?

Adult life.

This was the very first time for me leaving for this long and the result was just great- I gained confidence in taking care of myself, got to know new people, got to see new and beautiful places, listen to so many stories from people, have a proper laugh/fun, work hard, discover new languages and cultures, complain to people, take advice and give one when needed…that’s like so much guys. I am so incredibly grateful that I got an opportunity to come here and live like this. Without being nosy or whatever, I have to say I am proud of myself that I made it, I know it might sound childish or it is not such a big achievement in life or whatever, but I really was and still am kind of proud anyway.

Leaving…

I wanted to thank to all of the people that made my trip as awesome as it was, that made me laugh, realize things, made me have fun even though I did not really want it from time to time. The trip was a pleasant experience and if you have an opportunity to go somewhere like this do not really hesitate and go for it because it will teach you a lot about yourself, believe me. I am not saying that you will find yourself there, but you will surely get to know if you are ready for the unknown, undiscovered and maybe a little scary area that is called Adulthood.

*infinitely grateful*

xo ♥

N.

P.s: As I am looking around this is my 200th article here (!!!) and I can’t be happier that I am back guys. Major *T.H.A.N.K* Y.O.U* for sticking around for this long.