I surrender who I’ve been for who you are

,,It don’t always make sense. Especially from the outside.”


I really didn’t wanted to talk about relationships, love and emotions, but I think I just got into a point, where I can. It all obviously started with your first “love experience”. We have so many beliefs, expectations, naive glasses on our eyes throughout the whole relationship… and when it suddenly ends, it’s always up to people, how are they gonna respond/deal with it. Some people deal so quick and naturally with break ups, like moving was an everyday thing. But some of them are stuck in the circle of madness for so long. We are going through so many phases through the whole period, it’s individual.

But anyway, I didn’t really wanna talk about break ups…in this point it’ useless and also too depressing and that’s not something I wanna analyze. After some “experiences” I realized, that I don’t really wanna be treated the way I was in past, because being here for somebody means being here for somebody for real and give them your attention as much as you can, thoughts, ideas, sometimes just a few words are something that is supposed to be there.
People are able to change for other people, but only if they really want. If not, you can even stand on your head or whatever and nothing’s gonna change, nothing’s progressive ‘s gonna happen. People are able to change, only if they are brave enough, resolute and last but not least, if they are not scared of it. You can’t even know how much it means to a person (who doesn’t really want that much) if you say to him/her a few nice and warming words.

In my opinion, people are expecting too much nowadays, noting’s enough for them.They want more and more every single day and then they are surprised when the other part leaves.
Equality is important. Nothing’s better than  healthy respect between two people. Jealousy is also a waste of  of your time when you believe in actions of your partner. I know it sounds like a “perfect thing” right? No problems, fight. But actually there are, because that’s a part of life and you can’t really omit it. Kinda rare these days, to have a normal relationship, am I right?
Women tend to pick the guys, who are a total opposite of their “dreamy kind”, or just because he offered himself and they just wanted to do that. Period. Yes, you know that this is really happening. There are also my favourite sentence? ,, We accept the love we think we deserve.”

I don’t know, but after those negative experiences I’ve been through , I am just done trying. OK, not trying in general, but trying so hard. I decided to wait and rest a little, because you can’t even imagine how tired I am from all the drama and stress ( in combination with my major at university it’s asking for one gun and one bullet in it). So I’ll just wait, because I have nothing to worry about and hurry up.
When I am walking down the streets, anywhere, and I see all the couples, being happy together, I always catch myself not being jealous anymore, but yes that’s a big part of growing up, I guess. I am not ready at this particular second, but who knows….doors are not closed entirely. But now, I am here for me. That was just my point of view, there are 100 people with 100 different ways how to explain this, I know.

So, in conclusion, if you feel that you are able to change for a good thing and you really are concerned about it, do it with no regrets, because you are doing it partly for yourself, partly for him/her, with hope that the person deserves it.

Good luck 🙂

bubble 

N.

P.s: Bubble in the picture? Relationships are that vulnerable…like the little bubble. Trying to keep it alive, as long as we can.

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12 thoughts on “I surrender who I’ve been for who you are

  1. Over the years, I have now realized how many times I have settled just in order to be in a relationship — otherwise I would a loser and / or pathetic. It was also a distraction from facing what was going on inside my head and heart (including the continuing blossoming of my bipolar and anxiety disorders). And most of the time, my partners was not only dealing with and denying their own inner challenges, but none to pleased dealing with my behavior (I hadn’t diagnosed yet with any disorders other than low-level chronic depression towards the end). Yet if you saw out and about town, we would look like a “happy couple.” And this true for some (but not all) of those happy couples one sees about town.

    Until recently getting involved in a relationship I would call not settling , but one is truly a deeply committed loving relationship — where there is mutual healthy respect, friendship and laughter, emotional and spiritual support — I stayed away from being in a relationship for about eleven years. I became at peace with the idea I rather be solo than settle not only for a bad relationship, but also a mediocre relationship. I say at peace because one cannot just make the intellectual decision to go down this path, although it might begin that way. And being at peace means that I am at peace with maybe never finding that other person. My partner was in a similar frame of mind, having been out of relationship for eight years.

    Of course, we are older than you and it is easier to go down this solo path on the backside of the hill rather still trekking upwards. And we are still going to hit bumps in the road (we already have, but we process them out, truly trying to listen and not just hear the other person, admitting those times when one or other was in the “wrong” and those times when we both played in a role in the creation of the bump. There is no guarantees in life, so maybe it won’t work out, but for the moment we can’t imagine ourselves with other people, living our lives with each other, and looking forward to growing old with each other, sharing our experiences whether together or through talking about it with the other the next time we are able to be face to face.

    You are so right you can’t change the other person unless they want to change. Yet, splitting hairs, if they really want to change, you don’t have to change them. You only have to give loving and understanding support as he or she struggles to grow — which for all of us is a life time of struggle, but one which can be in its own way a beautiful experience to be shared.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can’t tell how much I am thankful right now for the fact that you shared your story with me on two of my articles,as I and all the people in this world can see life is about so many hard things and people brave enough to talk about them! I appreciate this so much 🙂 thank you again!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for your sharing of your experiences and feelings. I likewise appreciate people such as yourself who take the time and effort to put out there what is real and authentic. And by doing provide a forum for those like me to express what I feel, which is very helpful (therapeutic) for me, not to mention knowing it is appreciated. Peace.

        Like

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