One time a year

,,Who exactly knows, how’s it gonna be, for real?”


rainy window

I know, maybe I am gonna break your heart with this, but I am not the biggest fan of Christmas.  A year by year I like them less and less. Honestly, if you’d know me, you’d understand. But still, my point of view – topic: Christmas day?
I think I am just too old for not sleeping a night before Christmas, and being excited and happy in general, as I was in a very young age. Children has it pretty easy in this – presents presents presents, right? (oh and fooood!!!)  Me as a child? I was exactly the same, but who would blame me, I was just a happy kiddo with a nice family life etc. Because when you are a child you don’t see things around clearly, like you had a scarf on your eyes and suddenly, you are old and able to see everything and hear everything what’s happening behind the door.

Firstly, the commercial happening around us is too strong for some people. All the adverts in TV, going over and over and over again, malls filled with decorations, lights, Christmas trees and last but not least- 3257921 people, shopping like tomorrow’s gonna be the end of the world, when I am not gonna buy like 100 things. Maybe I am weird and this is completely normal, or I don’t know then. Like people just lost their minds for material things and still have to buy something all over again. who would blame them- they are just trying to make others happy with it, okay I get that. But still, it’s not a rule I have to like this day.

Fights all over the year, blaming each other for stupid things, not doing what you are supposed to do, yelling, slamming the door on each other, not being “home” probably the whole year – this is called a family nowadays folks (of course there are also positive moments, I am not saying the opposite, but now focusing on this side). And then? Sitting by the same table, smiling on each other, being respectful, but in your head feeling weird as fuck, because it’s something that doesn’t happen throughout the whole year. Taking a picture and let’s see- you can see a happy family, smiling and stuff, but still, guys, something’s missing. As I am growing older and older I can see that, something’s missing and you are desperately trying to fix it just for this one day in a year because in your head you pictured something else when you started this family. You wanted something else. This is what a lot of people can see in their parents eyes during the Christmas day. But that’s weird about growing up and aging- you can’t see the future, you can’t say what’s gonna happen.
But, trying to act like nothings happening it’s not a good move at all.

I was so happy everyday when the December started, because it was a sign the Christmas is here soon and we will be eating by one table, having holidays, watching all the old tales in the TV, eating cakes and just being together. Life can change in one day, and I know that nothing so perfect is gonna stay with me forever. At least I am aware of that today. I know that things doesn’t last forever, because that’s life.
I am so grateful for all the years I spend with my family, being happy and stuff, trying to remind it when I feel bad about it.
It is supposed to be like that every day and the whole year, not just one day in a year just to act like nothing happened and we are the happiest people living in the same house. This is not how you do it.
Despite of that, I am grateful even if things didn’t work out, even if we are not the best family, even if it’s not that perfect as you can see in the Christmas adverts in TV, still, it’s just a life. Only you can make things and that’s how it’s gonna be.

N.

P.s: Black and white world in just one day, because you know that anything can happen in just one day! Those pictures were taken yesterday and today, walking in the lonely foggy and cold town.

bw mirror  upside down

fog fog fog

lonely market  lonely street

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6 thoughts on “One time a year

  1. Interesting… And I do agree with you, mostly …;) But I still like Christmas anyway. Even though it’s definitely not perfect I’ quite sure this holiday helps to some of us remind ourselves how important family is 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Christmas has its special..hmm I would say, a special power, which is some kind of reminder of how it is supposed to be in out lives. Even though people can’t prolong this period of time, they still wanna live in it, because it’s a “perfect and special” place/time for them. I get that 😊👍🏻 I didn’t mean to be negative or something, but still- 100 ľudí, 100 chutí 😉 🙂 mám pravdu?

      Like

  2. The materialism of our culture here in the U.S. (and doesn’t seem to be much better in lot of other places in the world) has seemingly only gotten worse over the decades. This is not to say it is hardly a new phenomenon. As a young child in the late 60’s and early 70’s in southern California, one of the greatest days was when the Sears holiday catalog arrived, my fingers eagerly flipping through the toy section over and over. So much to choose from…what did I want? The child’s mind the all consuming self-indulgent question: what did I want? Economically, I grew up in what would be considered at that time middle middle class and with toys being relatively cheaper than today’s (electronic) toys, the tree sat in a sea of presents for my older brother and me. This consumer spread was fueled by being the grandchildren on my mother side.

    While there was the religious (spiritual) facet of the holiday (we were a mild Presbyterian family), the focus of the holiday tended to center more and more around the kids, presents, Santa Claus, and the television shows like Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. One facet of this I believe is that this whole glitter and sparkle pageant became a way for the parents to express some kind of affection to their children. An expression that was lacking during the rest of the year. I grew up a relatively happy child, and my home life was one not filled with fights and anger and fear. My parents were “nice” people, dedicated to being good parents as best as they knew how. Yet this still does not undo the fact that there was almost no deep emotions expressed (even though it might have been felt). Even though I “knew” my parents loved me, I have no memory of being hugged and told “I love you.”

    Fast forward to the present and the family gatherings (there is the step-family now in the scene) are, as you expressed, the family sitting around the dining table with all its food “a happy family, smiling and stuff, but still, guys, something’s missing.” It would be easier to deal with if there was some legitimate reason for animosity to focus the mind. Rather everyone basically likes everyone else. But something’s missing, something that should be there that is aligned with what we feel the spiritual being is for this day. So the dinner chat becomes about the weather, football, non-negative happening in one’s life, a few humorous memories from the days when we were kids, and the grandparents were just parents.

    No one is being authentic, allowing their real self to be expressed — flaws and all. No amount of presents wrapped in yuletide wrappings will change that.

    Thank you for sharing your feeling about this time of the year, which is truly a mixed bag.

    Liked by 1 person

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