Turn it off

,,Too many thoughts for one night.”


smeared night

I was standing under the hot shower, like every single other day, thinking about all the stuff that happened today, particularly this night, thinking about one thing above others – What are you exactly doing, when you don’t know what are you supposed to do? Which way are you going? Sometimes I am asking myself, if somebody can explain it all to me, because there are days, when I am totally lost in it.

It’s so fucking hard sometimes, to do the right thing, when you don’t even know which one of them is the right one. How am I supposed to know? Nobody’s ever gonna tell you and that’s the scary thing. You should just try and believe, that the way you are taking isn’t the worst one, because when you take the worst one, you are making yourself even more fucked up, drowning, generally feeling sad with knowing that you are doing it to yourself.

This emotional outburst was just…this was something I didn’t really expect to come today.

Yea. . it’s alright. At the end of the day it’s all alright, because when you are going to sleep, you should be feeling okay. But, then there’s the question. When the hell is it gonna be okay? When the real time’s gonna come and you’ll really feel it’s really okay?…Again, nobody’s gonna tell you. Oh hell yes.

Conclusion? NO there is no conclusion again, because you are the person who is supposed to figure it all out by yourself. I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but I know that you will figure it out. And I am gonna figure it out too.

There is still a way, but you just have to find it and live through it and hold it as long as possible. Because when you don’t hold it..you feel so fucking empty. . .  You are often saying to yourself: ,,I just, I can’t do this anymore. I have to be truthful to myself. There is something happening and I have to figure it out.”
There is something, that every single person carries in themselves and going through it every single day, if it’s happy or it’s sad, but it’s still something. You just desperately need to figure out what is it.

All things I am talking about are not just from the general point of view, something that’s really happening. I hope that at the end of the day, when you are going finally to sleep, having a numb feeling, just wanna lay, don’t want to feel a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g what you felt during the day. You are supposed to forget everything, you are supposed to be happy and chilled etc. You need to realize a lot of things, if you really wanna fall asleep with a light and easy feeling.

Manage yourself to go to sleep today and sleep for real. It’s gonna be a good one, you turn off everything, feeling calm and peaceful, because that’s something that everybody really deserves, am I right?

Yea. . it’s alright. Because at the end of the day you will  know, that there is a new day behind the door and has a very good expectations to be even better that today was. You just have to figure it out.

I really hope you will.

N.

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5 thoughts on “Turn it off

  1. There’s no such thing as right thing, my dear. It’s only right thing in exact moment. The right thing for one person doesn’t have to be right the other. Remember that. Keep your head up. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. To complicate matters, doing the right thing in the moment may set off a chain reaction (butterfly effect) that could lead to other events in other peoples lives (or loop back to your life) that result in less than pleasant circumstance. In other words, you just try to do the best you can do. That’s all we can ask of anyone.

    Then there is the quote from Milan Kundera from “The Unbearable Lightness of Being”:

    “There is no means of testing which decision is better, because there is no basis for comparison. We live everything as it comes, without warning, like an actor going on cold. And what can life be worth if the first rehearsal for life is life itself? That is why life is always like a sketch. No, “sketch” is not quite a word, because a sketch is an outline of something, the groundwork for a picture, whereas the sketch that is our life is a sketch for nothing, an outline with no picture.”

    Like

    1. That was kind of a rage yesterday…but I am glad I got it out of my system. But thank you for your wise words, always useful 🙂 ! Actually Milan Kundera is from Czech Republic, I live nearby, I know his work, I would say it’s pretty impressive.

      Liked by 1 person

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