♦,,Do you ever get that feeling…”♦
I would like to start now and again.
This is a crazy period, in which I am existing right now.
Do you ever get that feeling when you get some kind of block in your head and it makes you not to do things you’ve been doing for quite a long time?
SO yes, that happened to me, obviously. Because if you are reading this blog, you may have noticed that I wasn’t posting for quite a long time.
Now, I am sitting on my bed, listening to two people fighting in the next room, closing the door with a feeling, that I got to the point where I need to talk again. Turning on the music on 100% and beginning to type.
I know, if I don’t post, nobody notice at all, because in general- people don’t really care. That is the feeling you get when you are here for people and care about them, genuinely trying to do your best and that is still not enough. People talking behind your back on you, because you will never be enough for them. They are hungry for your attention at first, there is the time when you are talking like 24/7, then when you talk less but still trying to talk as much as you can, then you talk like 3 times a day, then one time..and the phoof…and you are done. I would call it ,,the circle of todays generation”. Because that’s true.
A lot of people are here just for using others. Okay, I am gonna use him, her and her and him, and when I am done with them, I just simply let them go because they no longer have those things I needed. The person gets what he/she wanted and you are suddenly useless, letting you go with just a smile on their face like – well, see you never again. And yes, this is really happening. Just silence, nobody’s saying a thing. Silent dealing with things inside of your head. Okay? Are you satisfied?
Still not enough?
Being in relationships where you are not feeling good and warm and however you are feeling…you are just not comfortable. Maybe because you are in that relationship too long or not that long or you are starting a new relationship after a longer time and you just simply don’t know how to behave anymore. You are simply talking to yourself in your head that you just need to go through it and everything’s gonna be better and it will be okay, but inside of your deepest corners, you know that it won’t be. You just need to get more time for your hiding from the one and only truth. Smiling, saying yes, being positive all the time just not to talk about the hideous and uncomfortable topics that you don’t really like to discuss, at least not now. Maybe never.
Being silent and staring out of the window, when they ask you what’s wrong just smile and shake your head that it’s completely okay. Are you sure you wanna reveal your true face to him/her?
Definition: Wearing masks on daily basis.
Unfortunately that is a old/new trend in society.
Having this coverage on your face, mind locked on 3 locks, thinking twice before you say something. What a great acting trick, ladies and gentlemen.
Okay that happens to people who were hurt and don’t really wanna get hurt again. I get that. You also went through something similar in your life, I am sure. So you should get that too.
Saying you are okay, but really you are not, because you can see it in the mirror when you look at yourself at deepest night, and you can really see it.
Wearing masks, being faux amis ( of course fake friends) and not being loyal, honest…being a two faced bitch…not a good way in your life. Honestly if you choose this way to be yours, you won’t get many warm hugs in life for that. But okay, people will try, they will burn their fingers, they will see, figure stuff out and after that, think twice or three times before they do/say something.
I would say that people really want a big change in the world and people and society, but still refuse to change something about themselves, because they want it now and not in some time.Simple rejection of waiting.It is known- Things need time…everyone need some time to process, admit and freaking do something with their life.Actually, I was watching a very good series today ( Mr. Robot – all over again) and I’ve heard something like this:
He said: ,,Everyday we change the world"..which was a nice thought until I think about it and I am realizing, that everyday we change the world, but to change the world in a way that means anything, it takes more time than most people have. It never happens in one, it's slow, it's exhausting. Something we don't have the stomach for.
I am not giving you any resolutions or conclusions or positive endings today because it’s not an option in this topic, I am sorry but it’s not. People who will read this till the end and will read about themselves, they will see and at the end they will understand. I am not saying that they will realize everything after reading this, but eventually they will. Everyone will, when their time will come.
To be quite honest, I am exhausted. I feel the bitterness in my head, and having a feeling that I need to talk again. To get it all out and let it here, let it all go.
And the last thing.
Sometimes you should look over your shoulder, maybe you’ll recognize those people…or maybe you are one of them.
P.s: Maybe they are hiding in the fog, be careful.