A mandatory option

,,It might be optional, but who knows?”

smoke

When certain things happen you catch yourself being weird. In my case it’s like thinking backwards, reminiscing mostly. Anyway, I was standing in front of my university, smoking like the third cigarette in a row, listening to some old song and then it came to me. I am almost freaking 20 years old and I am getting through some seriously messed up shit, but okay honestly, who doesn’t. Trying to figure out my situation, I started to think about growing up.

It’ s a big paradox, that when we were young (let’s say, that 13-16 y.o), we were desperate to do things that we were not allowed to(maybe supposed to?) do (and now it’s like we are trying to get rid of all the things that are on our plate, well okay that’s so real! 😀 ). First thing first: Sneaking out of the house for a party, being out till the sun comes out, drinking, smoking…whatever- just anything that made us feel rebellious in some way.
I don’t know about you, but I was raised kinda differently and I couldn’t do those “forbidden things”in that age. So most of the time I just listened to all the stuff that happened.I wasn’t really allowed to go out and have fun. But okay, when when the time came and I could, it lasted like one year and then I lost my interest because maybe I got a little older and didn’t need it to last any more longer. I am not saying that I got over it forever, but going out for a party like 3-4 times a week, that’s a lot to take, don’t you think so?
But okay, let’s come back to my point.
We wanted to grow up so quick, to be “the responsible ones”, to be trusted, to do what we wanted, to be “independent”…blah blah blah. So many expectations, beliefs, hopes + pink glasses= some horrible mistakes. Classic math, oh how much I hate it. But still, we all did out “youngster” honest mistakes and I hope that all of you’ve learned from it.

Also if you can’t find yourself in that, I can afford you the “other way home”. I know that there are people who doesn’t really wanna grow up. Wanna stay in their teenage years at least with their mind. Don’t wanna be a skeptic party pooper, but maybe in 5 or 10 of even freaking 15 years the time will come, something will happen and it will change you (forever) and then you’ll realize/know that something inside of you simply moved on. Maybe it will never happen and you will live a oblivious and happy life. Maybe, and maybe not. Maybe you come to me in those 15 years and you will be a completely different person as you were when we met. I don’t know and neither do you.

Anyway, those who wanna grow up fast don’t really realize some things nowadays (maybe we didn’t either…but for me I’m being general now), and I would say, that they are not aware of the real consequences. I see, that people have such a big need to grab all the opportunities they can, they just want to live. Yes, I get that, I am kinda the same. But the thing they don’t really realize is, that they are stepping into the cold.
Growing up sometimes mean, that you have to leave some things behind. And there won’t be just things, you will also leave people, memories, happenings behind, and believe me, sometimes it’s just for a good thing. The times where you learn how to stand on your legs, on your own, in a cold day, completely alone, but still, feeling so strong like never before.

I know that you are not the weak one. If you are determined to do it, don’t hesitate. Grow up if you need to, but stay partly a child if that’s also in need.Take some other alternative from the hundreds of alternatives you have. Do what is comfortable for you, but in the same time, be aware of consequences.

You are the one, who knows the best here, it’s your option.

N.

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