A little about women

,,She got to the point when she felt more comfortable talking about other people than herself. She felt that it’s better that way.”

lilac sunset

Usually when you are sick and laying in bed such a long long time as I do, you start to realize that days are alloying into one big pile of minutes while you are waiting till the sun comes down because you don’t have anything better to do. At this boring time of your life you think about theory of relativity, why unicorns doesn’t exist or I don’t know,+ why are you sick during the Easter holidays. Sounds familiar? Maybe a little.

So I was watching some series, not really listening, neither watching and started to think about us, women. I wanted to talk about this for such a long time actually and never really got to it. I know that International Womens day  or whatever was like a year ago but still, better now than never.

Woman is a very odd creature. I don’t even know if such tolerant creature even exist somewhere. She is able to forgive, but unfortunately unable to forget some things that happened, she is able to believe in something or believe in somebody even though she knows that somebody is lying to her, it is like she is willingly hurting herself. He can cheat, lie, hurting her…but consequently she is able to love him no matter what. Where the hell this “error” in womens head has its origin? Where is it from? Like do you think that women have this mistake somehow encoded into their minds from the very beginning? Is it possible?

It is kinda fascinating that woman believes this much. She believes that everything’s gonna change one day.
Women are a very very good liars, but the best liars if they are lying to themselves. They are creating a perfect “pictures” or maybe those paintings about their boyfriends, husbands, fathers, but those “pictures” are totally abstract, they are just exhibiting in their heads.
Okay I can say it like this:

 Why are WE still doing that? Why are we still expecting and imagining something?
What is it, that still makes us go on?
It's women's hope.

Women’s hope is a magical thing.
When there is a good period it twists our minds and draws the world the way it isn’t. It gives us the power to go though another day, and many many other days, it gives us the purpose to live. It gives us the feeling that when we wake up at the morning everything’s gonna be different, even though we know that nothing can change the way we want during just one night.
When there is a bad period, it lifts us off the ground and tells us that it doesn’t really matter that we fell off, we need to go on. Exactly you need to go on. And if you wanna now, you can’t stop just because of one obstacle. We were created to handle anything, you just need to believe in that.

So what about you? Do you still have your hope?

N.

P.s: Can you find hope in the light? Still figuring it out.

Why not?

Give it a try.

getting dark

Being happy nowadays is something pretty rare I would say.
There are plenty of people who feel upset with a plenty of issues as a package. Being constantly in bad mood, seeing the world just in black and white..I rather won’t continue because I have a feeling that I don’t have to. I don’t know how about you, but I decided not to be one of them.

 

Are you asking why?
 Just out of curiosity- what good brought sadness to your life?
 None.

 

I stopped leaving myself in a small room laying in bed not knowing what to do. I told myself- Why not give it a try? Okay, tbh  still not the best, still having this “new people anxiety” but I am working on it.
How about you? Have you ever tried to grab yourself and drag your soul outside to see the colours?

I am happy and grateful for those ordinary things that we, let’s say, take as a natural part of our lives.
You don’t even know how happy I am when I start to laugh and I totally burst out laughing, and the feeling? Something amazing. I am being happy when I discover a new song, finish reading some interesting book, or even when I wake up and finally feel at least a little bit relaxed and chilled.
I am glad to have a few friends, family and I am even happy for food and hot shower.
I am lucky to be able to see all those colours around me, around us. Because when the seasons are changing, we are kinda changing all with them. Turning around and around in circles year by year.
I am grateful that I am able to travel sometimes. To see the places that I’ve never been to, taking pictures, memorizing the perfect moment with that one person. I am grateful for him, for every single smile of his, for every single touch. Finally after that nasty period of time I feel …hmm I can’t even describe it, it’s something new. I need to explore that firstly.

There are always a lot of things that make life simple and easy and now, I am trying my best to think about them more than I used to think about the bad ones that happened or will happen to me. I am trying to convince myself that I don’t have to feel down. There are days when I feel like winning this race, but then I realize that the race just begun so I am saving you a seat here beside me.

So let’s race.

N.

P.s: It doesn’t mater it’s getting dark, you can still turn on the lights.

I’ve learned that…

,,He came to fight, but he fell in love."
,,With what?"
,,With life."

I haven’t been writing lately, because I just didn’t feel like it. I was in my bubble, feeling weird about almost everything. But today, I was at UNI and we had a subject called Academic writing and we had to do a thing called “freewriting”…as soon as we got a topic I started to write and didn’t stop until our teacher told us to, and tbh, it felt so good to write again, even if it was kinda pointless (the topic) but I enjoyed it, genuinely enjoyed it. So that’s why I came to this idea of “learning” not to forget about something you like just because you feel weirded out.

As you know, old habits die hard.

But over the years I’ve learned some things too (who didn’t?). Those things are pretty basic and I would say that “everyday things” but still.
I was thinking about happenings in general. I’ve learned that no matter what happened and no matter how bad it will be, everything will eventually be okay and maybe it will be better tomorrow, the day after or idk in a minute or two, but still life goes on.

I’ve read somewhere, that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles those three things- a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. If we look at this from one side, it’s about handling and handling all over. You need to handle so many things, so many ups and downs that I can’t even..but either way, if you are able to handle your life, then you are your personal hero.

I’ve also learned that despite everything that’s happening inside of your house, I mean maybe your relationship with parents or siblings, I bet you will freaking miss them after they will be gone from your life. Believe me, you will regret it or maybe you are regretting it right now.

I kinda have learned that you can’t hold everything in a circle around you because it is holding you back from going and see and explore and you are just  stressing out because it’s growing and growing. You can’t carry everything with you, that’s ridiculous. So I’ve learned to be able to throw something back and trust me, I threw so many thing back it’s scary a.f and didn’t look over my shoulder ever since. Because being here for me was the right decision.

Speaking of decisions- I’ve learned that if I decide about something with an open heart it is not always a disaster. At least not now. I accepted some stuff from my past as much as I accepted my pains and understand now that I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned to live with it and gave a chance to myself. Not to be the person I was, but to be a person I kinda wanted to be. But as you all know, that’s kind of a journey itself.

I’ve learned that you don’t need to be always the badass. Nice words are warm as much as a warm hug you sometimes get. People like that and deep inside of you, you like that too. Who wants to stay alone at the very end? Do you? Hmm..I don’t think so.

I’ve learned to give second chances to people, but also gave a second chance to me.

Last but not least…
…I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.

What about you?

N.

P.s: I’ve learned to love a lot of different views, but you already know that.

view for life 1view for life 2

Mind flow

What I saw was something different. When I looked there, I saw something that other people didn’t really see at all.

wicked mind

This wasn’t just an old damaged wall. It was the look to the knotty mind. From the bottom to the top I can see all the thoughts and ideas trying to outrun each other so that particular ones gonna be the one which is going to be the first.
So with this tangled mind of mine was walking around the town, thinking about those times, when I wasn’t really happy, when I thought that I am in a bad place. I am glad to say that I am feeling better now (tbh, I don’t even have time to feel ridiculous again).
Sometimes it feels right but sometimes I don’t even know how to react to some things. I know I would react differently like 5 month ago and I would react totally different today. It it so fascinating that your mind can change like nothing from minute to minute. Also your thoughts flowing through your mind like a kite on the sky, from left to right and from right to left, playful, joyful but also struggling with the wind and bad weather.

Get it?
I know you do.

N.