,,Words to the battle?”
Is it weird when I say that when I was falling asleep yesterday and also simultaneously thinking about this one article? I was planning to write everything what was on my mind, but unfortunately I fell asleep before I was able to write it down…such a shame, am I right? You can’t imagine how disappointed I was when I woke up at the morning with a thought of having nothing in my head which was connected to that idea of the article? SO, today I was thinking about it so hard and eventually decided to let it be..when something is fortuned to be in your head, it will appear again or arrive at the minute when you really need it.
But there is still one question in my head, that is kinda a pain in the ass for me. The question goes like this:
,,Why the hell people have this one tendency of going back to the past?”
I am still thinking about it and I can’t find that one door titled with a simple word which would be the best one: EXIT. Is it possible to leave this kind of state of mind? I know there are people who literally enjoy still thinking about it, playing it on repeat, again and again because it is like their “karma kick to the ass” because they think that they are the one who fucked it up. There are people who simply can’t get rid of their past happenings.
Imagine it like a big and heavy stone, which is apparently unmovable (is it even a word?). Something (or maybe I would say someone) is keeping you away from the one well deserved peace in your mind. I think it is all about things that remain under the ground- unrevealed things, things that are still there, still waiting for the right time to leave your mouth. Those words need to be said and you are aware of that. When something bothers you, say it. Don’t wait, because sometimes it’s too late and there is nothing that can be done. You simply can’t turn back time.
Tell them how you feel about it all, don’t leave out any detail, because every single detail counts, make them feel what you felt those nights when you weren’t able to sleep,watch them fry themselves in their own juice because at least one time you can afford this look. Well,why not? This is the one time you can, because next time when they approach you, the door will be completely closed, you will be satisfied with your decision with no regrets.
But yes, what if you can’t say it? Yes, indeed, this is a question. I am surely not the one who knows exactly what to do, but one thing is obvious. If the blood on your hands scares you, then you need to wash it. Translation needed? Even though something looks horrifying and “undoable” you need to pull your teeth and do it. If you are able to at least admit this then you are on a good way to get better. It will make you free, maybe not fully, but at least at some point you will feel better, you’ll feel more peaceful and somehow …you soul will be lighter. It would be the best for your mental state to say it out loud.
I am twisting in a circle of mind things. Round and round and round we go…do you remember? How about get your shit together?
There will forever be things that I can’t leave behind just like that. I don’t know why, but this is the truth. But, if I’m gonna get that one real opportunity to change it, I will reach it and never let it go.
Tendency remains. Why? Because we are people and people get hurt and then when people feel too good and have such a nice period of their lives, they need to remind themselves that something bad happened to them in past. They need to remind, that eventually it will come back. Maybe not, but there is still a possibility that I am right. But I recommend you stop thinking about it, if it’s supposed to come, it will. If not, it won’t. Simple as that.
Is this just a bunch of crap? Will at least one of you finish this till the end?
Those are the real questions I should be asking. Because I am kinda going down to the hurricane with no emergency cord. I guess he is the one left who is holding me above the surface. Hmm..at least for now. And I can say, it makes my soul a little bit lighter, even though he has no idea.
P.s: Tendency of looking towards the sun slowly laying down? Maybe I can help you with that.