Kinda exhausted, I was reading my favorite novel book again and thought that maybe it’s time to talk again a little bit more.
I was walking to university this morning, while the sky was literally crying its eyes out, under the umbrella the new idea germinated. How and why? My friend texted me on her way home from uni, she was listening to this one sad song and literally started to cry. To be completely honest with you, I thought that only I do those things. But yes, that’s for some other topic.
This is why I started to think about it, about fragility. Fragility is individual. Every single one of you have your own fragility whether visible or not.
I don’t know what is it with some people, when others are talking about being fragile. Some of them are embarrassed of that. Why? Nowadays it is considered as a weakness (of course for some people, not for everyone) to show your fragility, to show something that is supposed to be hidden, according to them.
(By the way, crying your eyes out is not “modern”, but we all still do it anyway from time to time, don’t lie to yourself.)
Some of them are just angry because of that, because of them showing their weakness is something unacceptable. According to them, the world is full of that, filled with visible fragility. Maybe not particularly a “mean anger” but at the end, anger with a good intentions? Do you know what I mean?
Fragility doesn’t always mean to be “naked” in front of the world. You are able to be fragile on the inside and be strong on the outside, in front of them. Not a easy task, but if you think about it, then humans are creatures able to do anything if they really want….Able to destroy somebody’s fragile world with even a few words. Surely.
Personally, I do feel mine. I feel it everyday, but I am not showing it to the world, not showing it to many people, because I don’t feel like talking about it. I am scared of people, actually a lot than I thought before. Well, fragility of a friendship makes me nervous, because people let you down and let you emotional world fly away for a very long vacation, not willing to come back that easily.
People can be (and are) emotional as much as they feel like to be. Being hurt by others is kinda a common topic. (At least mine). But if you read this blog regularly, you know then, that I’ve been talking about that a lot.
Once he told me, that it’s nice that I write, that I have this space for me to “play”, but with no.. hmm how to say,…with no conclusion? Like I do write about good/nice stuff etc. but with so solution or resolution inside.
In that time yes.
I write because this is the way for me to express my feelings, to serve my inside world on the plate. I don’t talk, so I have to write and ventilate all of the good and bad out of my system. My topics don’t always have a point, solution, conclusion, advice or something even fucking deeper than normal…honestly, there is a lot hidden in all of it. Unfortunately, people can’t really decode it. At least people I want, can’t decode it, maybe they are not even reading at all. I don’t know.
What do I really trying to say?
Art is not what I create. What I create is chaos.
A mess of everything that comes to my mind at this particular second, while I am sitting inside of the room 119, while having a lecture. This is my chaos that only I truly understand. I hope that maybe someday, somebody will decode it. Or maybe not.
Maybe this is only my fragility and maybe a fragility of a lot of people.
I can admit that my chaos is fragile, but how about you?
P.s: Heaven is fragile too, maybe that’s why I take a photo almost everyday.