“Getting used to” is not always the final destination

I have a confession to make.
I am not a morning person.
Okay it’s out now.

Well I don’t really like to wake up early because then I am like- ” oh my, what am I gonna do the whole day? I’ll probably stay at home, scrolling down Blogs or Instagram or whatsoever.” Boring much?
For last two weeks, as I was still at work, I’ve realized something.
As I was waking up pretty early for me not being a fan of mornings, I’ve realized I enjoy drinking coffee alone and sitting in kitchen with my legs situated on the other chair, reading news on the Internet, seeing what’s new in the world while here’s particularly nothing happening.
As I was going to work I’ve realized that I like riding the bus alone while having my earphones plugged in my ears for a sign – *do not disturb* and walking home alone from work at the afternoon.
And then when I came home I’ve realized that I like eating alone while listening to music or whatever stupid cartoon or series on my computer, not even watching, using them for some kind of backround, but enjoying the time while I am here with me, thinking, setting my mind free at least for a little while to take my brain for a walk.
But sometimes as I am walking around town while heading home and for example seeing a family at the playground, or a couple being in love, walking and talking or best friends having fun, laughing – I’ve realized that even though I got used to being alone so much but I don’t really like or don’t really fancy being alone at all. Then I looked at the sky and noticed that it’s so beautiful (most of the time I take a picture because I am being me okay?) and people around are so sad. And then I’ve realized that I need someone who won’t run away from me.

I don’t know maybe it’s just me or other people too, but I think we are all looking for someone, who will care enough to try. I am not saying it has to be only a friend or only a relationship- you can take anything from this- Even though the person won’t have the best memory on things or names or events or not even dates, but will indeed remember those little things about you. We are looking for someone who has always been shy in front of a lot of people but if the persons with you, he/she opens up to you when the right time will come. It has always been known, that the person has never been good at keeping the conversation ongoing for so long but if it’s connected to you, can’t suddenly shut up.
Lastly, we are looking for someone like that ↑ not hoping to change them, no, not at all, but there will always be a hope that we will matter enough for them and they will stay.

I am so grateful for people in my life that surrendered, it makes me feel I am worth and even though I feel alone or lonely I know, that they will be here if I need them. Even though I don’t see them much I know there is still a bond between us, so even though I got used to a everyday loneliness I still have to keep those door open for them, the little gap to let them know I am still here.

N.

door to nowhere

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“Allow” means “to be.”

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Do you sometimes feel that a shit load of expectations from every side are about to drag you down and it’t not even 10 am?
Sometimes I just wake up and lay in my bed for a few minutes and thinking about the times when all of it was so much easier, when I didn’t have to care that much about money, relationships, clothes, work…but still, I am not that old not to allow myself do things and don’t do things I want/don’t want.

Well, when you are in your twenties, life can be even messier like it was till you reached your twenties. You are allowed to be lost. Why? Because it’s your life, and if you wake up at the morning with a feeling that something is missing or wrong and you don’t know with which feet you are supposed to wake up then it’s just normal. Just stay calm.
You are also allowed to have absolutely no freaking idea what you want in life, because those decisions might still change because one day you wanna be a photographer or a dancer and the other just astronaut or actor- I know, I know, we are supposed to have figured this out in our minds in way younger age blah blah blah, but there are also people who don’t really know and if they are comfortable with it, then let them. I am sure they’ll figure it out. Even without your “help”. Because if you don’t really know which path to take to reach your goals then you are allowed to walk down like thousands and thousand different paths until you step on that particular one which will lead you to the place where you belong or where you just need to be.

I know there is passion in every single person that I have ever met in my life. It is just so individual, different levels of individuality, different interests, but maybe different levels of individuality connected to the same interests..well, tangled like those Christmas lights in the cupboard. You are just allowed to be passionate about anything in the world that you think it’s worth it and makes you feel like it is good to be alive.
The big truth is that you are allowed to do anything you get into your mind like possible even though some people strictly say that you are not, you are so young with a need to explore your options, it’s your life – and as you know you haven’t lived even a little fraction of it (yet).

I can tell you one thing- you have to enjoy your adventurous journey as much as you can. Buy a 3€ wine and don’t even bother to drink it from a glass – just pour it to the plastic cup and sit on the floor of your living room in your little apartment. Take your friends, go out there to see the world, find your secret place, take photos of it, call it *your place*, get lost on your way home, just because you want, in the meantime, enjoy the hidden view.

Even though you have been skeptic about writing for a very long time, you’ll eventually allow yourself to start– first draft story, then second and after all the third and you’ll realize that you actually like it.

It is really common to make some “young mistakes” in relationships- I know it’s hard and you are scared af, I can see it, but allow your heart to be broken because to be honest, I think it’s how it’s supposed be- to become a stronger person, to look at things differently, to take your time to think about stuff, to let your negative emotions and feelings take a stand and then after some time (of course individual) transform that negativity into something good positive and progressive. Don’t close your door entirely, make sure there is at least a small gap and after some time, make the gap bigger and bigger. That means you are getting better because you wanted to get better for yourself. 

You don’t really have to think about the place where all the moments will take you because it can always be a nice mystery and a surprise in one package. Allow yourself to be curious!
Don’t be afraid just because you don’t know where the hell you are going right now, even if the place requires map. Leave the map at home and explore a little, that might be even more fun!

Give yourself some time. Explore yourself. Uncover new interests that you think you’d enjoy.
Try to accept every invitation that will be offered to you because you never know if that’s fate or just a coincidence and you never know what will happen. Step outside of your comfort zone. Sometimes it’s good to stay out till you’ll see the sun rising. Just, whatever you do, make sure you won’t give up on it just because you are tired or lazy.
Don’t be scared that you don’t have your life figured out in your twenties. Let me tell you a secret: Nobody does.
I don’t even know what am I gonna eat for lunch for Christ sake, not even talking about my future!

Enjoy your path on your way to the final destination, keep on. Sink in. Collect every single emotion, memory, happening on your way there. You are doing well so far.
Keep your mind wide open and try to look on the world every day with different sets of eyes. And last but not least, don’t forget what it’s like feel lost when you find finally yourself. Because you never know what can happen, so be prepared and keep going on- don’t let them drag you down just like that.

N.

P.s: Allow yourself to blossom, like this little one here- you got this.

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Nina S on My Trending Stories

 

 

Sometimes it’s really just about that…

The choice and willingness to confront agony, pain, danger, uncertainty or intimidation.

Courage.

Have you ever tried to count, how many times you willingly wanted to do something but you haven’t really had the right amount of courage to do that?
Have you ever tried to count, how many times you used the pure courage raising from your inner self, when you tried to do a good thing?

To understand how courage works, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist. For example, as I was reading a very long time ago- The idea of courage might also be a man with the gun. You know you are licked before you even start, but you’ll go through anyway because you want to go through no matter what happens.

It will always be admirable to walk through the complete darkness with no light in your pocket and the only thing that accompanies you and hold your hand is courage to make to it to the end in a blink of an eye.

The thing is, when I think about courage, so many things pop into my head. So many things you need to do require a huge amount of courage , for some people even takes courage to go through the day and so on and so on.
Well, I think one of the hardest thing in life is living and dealing with not knowing what would happened if you tried, if you did something different, if you asked, if you came to him/her, to a person you really wanna talk to but never had enough courage to do so, and simply said “hi”, if you wrote a message to that one person you know it’d be worth with…Oh my god.
You really wanted to go somewhere, to travel around th whole wide world, but you gave up because you didn’t have any friends to go with and was too scared to do it alone. It pains me so much while writing it,tbh.

Statistically (just wanted to sound smart, but nah), great opportunities come more than once in your life, but never too often and you know that. Do you want to change something? Change your actions then.
I am gonna say it like I mean it – Fear is so so hard to overcome, but ask yourself if you will ever overcome the shit load of guilt after you realize what would have happen if you tried and didn’t close your door in front of a good opportunity.

As so many people advise – You’ll never know until you try. Even though it’s gonna be a bad experience, at least it will be an experience.

The hardest part about changing is to kick yourself into the ass and make yourself get up and start. Once you’ll get past this point, everything will be so much easier.

And lastly, don’t be afraid of your fear. It is not here to really scare you (at some point). It is here to do something and after that realize, it was really worth it.

Sometimes it’s really just about that.

N.

P.s: I hope that someday I will gain the courage to come back here.

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When beautiful things grow out of nothing

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There is a huge tendency of humankind – if they start to do something they don’t want to work so fucking hard to achieve something, they don’t want to be the weakest ones, they won’t enjoy the path on their way to accomplishment, they simply want to reach the success right at that minute. Wanting to grow a little piece of sand into a beach in one husk?
Impatient much?

Nobody believes that something incredible cane be done with the right amount of hard work nowadays. Everyone thinks that every famous composer like Mozart or Beethoven or I don’t know poets like E. A. Poe or Charles Bukowski had this marvelous talent in them – that it somehow appeared in their brains like a puzzle – all they had to do was write it all on paper and make a statement out of it.

I don’t know how about you, but I think there is a huge need in this world for people.
What is it?
People need to learn a lesson, that things are starting from the real bottom.
Things can come out of nothingness.
Things evolve out of nothingness too.
You know, even the tiniest seed in this world can produce the prettiest and healthiest forest, if the seed falls into the fertile soil. And then, there is also a situation when the seed falls into a nonfertile soil and it turns out that nothings gonna happen.
People need to learn, that this also happens. It is important for them to understand it all, because that’s how it works.

If you walk around your town with an idea that there are people with some particular talent, that they are gifted- but you are not one of them. It might be a little upsetting but you have to realize that you have different kind of life. You can always say to yourself:
,,Well, I know that some things come out of nothing, yes, it really works like that. So I am starting from unpromising beginnings. I can and I will always be aware, that even though I am a unpromising beginning, I can start something.

Life is messy, folks.
Being human is messy.
All you need to do, is to accept who you are and truly understand that you are not at the end (yet).
Just surrender and in the meantime, try to climb that imaginary mountain to the sky, as I did.

Don’t you agree?

N.

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 Nina S on My Trending Stories

 

“Action speaks louder than words”- or where the shoe really pinches?

*Know where the shoe pinches to know where the cause of trouble or difficulty is*

Are you able to count, how many times have you ever thought about this sentence (title ↑) in your entire life?
Like every girl/woman in her life- when some relationship started to look “more than a hook up”, so she was requiring this, proving that he loves you but with something that can be accepted as “action”- at least in her mind.
Pink glasses? Maybe a little.

My point?
Why do we say that one sentence  while sitting in a bar, with our girl friends, sipping coffee, in huge expectation, when most of the times words have the most effect on us?

For example, if somebody punches us in the face, after a little while (and a bruise or two) it fades away and we can move on with our lives somehow. i am not saying it never happened, bruises always disappear but  what about bruises on your heart and soul?
Today, when someone say some hurtful words to you, it can last a lifetime. If not lifetime → a very very long time.
I’d say, painful much?
The amount of pain, pricked right into the feels, takes such a long time to leave us. Those simple sentences which can make someone even insane or make somebody to eat himself/herself away.

Try to imagine a little race, words race, happening in your head, from side to side, in a circle- making a little tornado called Confusion, in your brain and corrupts your self image.
∴ People have the tendency to judge others according to their look, appearance- and the worst this, that the weaker ones start cracking and start to hide their true self away from the world.
∴ Someone says some bad stuff about your personality and after that there are options: A) Just admit it, maybe try to crack a joke because you are aware that you can be weird sometimes B) You shut people off because you are trying to fight with it but that’s who you are for Christ sake.
∴ When someone says harsh things about the way you live your life and you get the feeling that you don’t want to be around anymore and feeling a strong need to leave.

I think it’s time.
For what?
It’s time to realize, that a word, only a simple word, can destroy a person. You should think before you speak, like your mommy taught you a very long time ago. You have no knowledge about things that may be happening in one persons life.
At this point, I am not saying that requiring “action” is a bad thing or something, I would say it’s very individual, how the person handles life in general. Remember that every single card had a backside and maybe if we all turn our minds around, there will be less harm and misunderstandings between people.

Well, maybe sometimes words speak louder than actions.

Think about it.

N.

P.s: I so freaking love this new “Prisma” app, obsessing about it about a week or so.

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You are what you take from these

Almost every time I am starting to write a post I don’t know how to start. I mean, I have so many thoughts in my head, which is filled up from the bottom to the top, just don’t know where exactly to start. There are times when I wish to start from the real end and just reverse everything. Or not start to think of it at all? What it’s nice sometimes, but still, those are your thoughts and you are the one who is making you being you.

You are the music you listen to.
You are the movies you watch.
You are dreams you have.
You are the books you read.

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In the meantime- You are the sound of the ocean, which you haven’t heard for so so long, you are the gust of the fresh air that you inhale and exhale like you are breathing for the first time.
You are the brightest angle during the day and the darkest corner while you are walking in your town in those little hidden streets.

You are simply a collection of all those experience that you’ve lived through in your short life. I can tell that you are considered as every second in every day. Cover yourself up with all the knowledge and existence in your life.
Sometimes I tend to think that words are running in my veins aaaaall the way to my head, non stop, till they reach the final destination and there is no other way than explode and do their job. There is nothing left to do, just say it all to the world.

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You are the people you meet.
I don’t know, it is amazing and fascinating, both in one. I don’t know if you are fan of a long structured talks or just those which are called “small talks”. Well, if you wanna know- you can get to know so much from just a small talk things, sometimes even from just one sentence, because it can instantly change the view or the image you have about the people. Sometimes I think it’s about the small words that can hurt your soul like a knife in your heart or make you fall in love with them maybe for forever. It might change a lot, they don’t even have to know about it, but it still happens, you know.

One of the weirdest things ever at some point of your life is, when you stop talking to someone and you still have those left over information about them. Like for example, their siblings name, the song that you sang all over again together and you both considered them as you favorite, maybe a chocolate flavor, even their weird dreams after drinking too much wine last night. You were going through all happenings together for so long and now it’s just gone. I don’t know how about you, but for me, this is just weird.

But yea, that all happens, people burn bridges and simply leave and move on and some of them stay forever. Some people give you something and some of them nothing, for you to grow as a person.
And then there is a question hanging- »Are you able to differentiate?«

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I think there is no wrong answer.
Inspiration is everywhere.
Continue on this path.
Relax.
Take it all in.

N.

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The Great Prescription of a Tiny Adventure Pill

Let me start with a question- Do you think that everything needs to go according to some plan?
Have you ever thought about it?
That your life is completely managed by your inner self that needs to be in control of everything what happens next? Some people might think that going somewhere without a planning diary, is a crime.

Well yes, some people need a certain order in their life – it makes them calm to know, that everything goes according to a plan. Of course, there are also control freaks, where everything needs to be on one particular place, event needs to happen at that one particular minute and I am not even talking about meetings time, or their world will explode. No, this is not a personal experience, maybe I am just observing people too much, or just watching too many movies, I don’t know.

I think that a time in one persons life comes, when this needs to stop, or at least pause a little- not for forever, because some people just like it that way, or need the certain order in things. They need to experience something that doesn’t completely fits in their schedule.

I, as a doctor, prescribe:
Walk out of your house and simply take a wrong turn – get lost for some time, as least for a while, because why the hell not?

While on your “getting lost” tour, if you like something on a stranger- compliment him/her- for example hair, clothing or whatsoever. Forget about your anxiety of talking to people for a while and just try it on; only that’s how you’ll know if a scarf with a brand “HAVE FUN” fits you.

While walking downtown again, if you’re gonna see unmarked door, don’t pass them by, walk towards and open them without any hesitation.

Don’t be afraid to talk in circle of people you don’ t really know – so if you’ll see a group of people hanging out on a field (please make sure first if they aren’t just selling guns or whatsoever there), don’t be scared to ask them what are they doing and might join them afterwards.

At the end- just close your eyes and jump- do things without knowing how they’re gonna end, step out of your comfort zone for a little bit. You are here for you, smart enough to realize that you see a choice between working hard with your planning and stuff and slacking off. You don’t even know, how many adventures you might miss while you are waiting to think of a plan. Find those adventures, even though they’ll be only tiny ones, but also the most interesting ones.

Remember, you are the “maker” of your future, don’t waste those tiny happenings.

N.

path that leads to nowhere

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