Attempt to create an effort to leave my skeptic feature chained to the radiator

“She was right.
She never looked nice.
She looked like art, and art wasn’t supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something.”

I was reading this book yesterday and I caught myself smiling a little while reading some parts. I don’t read books anymore (at least not that frequent as I used to) not that I don’t want to, but mostly because I have no time. What is sad because I did read a lot in the past- I remember my teachers at high school, they used to take my books because I was reading during lessons. Well, I was always hungry for the real end of the story, you can’t blame me!
SO, as I was saying, I was reading this sentences over and over again and I was really thinking about it and trying to connect it to the real world (as I always do), to something that is happening in my world and I am realizing it but it’s not that visible. Maybe just till now.

While in relationship, people tend to look at the outside shell as the most important thing in the whole unit. Okay, the wave of critique is here- yes, I know, in today’s society it’s so freaking important- how do you look, what do you wear, if yo are wearing the famous brands etc etc (so many unimportant things at some point…), it is a little reversed happening now. Well that’s happening everywhere dears, nothing new. The inside world does play a role in this game for two, but only after some time, I’d say.
But what I wanted to really say is, that when you feel something, that is the one important thing here. You look at that other person and you know: Oh my, it is so amazing having you in my life…And maybe it’s just for a moment and  it’s over in another second, but you know it is so good and you felt it, so like a bonus point is still here. You felt it and that is what plays the most important role here.

Sometimes I tend to think that every single happening like this, is temporary and it won’t last long enough for me to be happy for some prolonged period of time. Yes, you saved me from my darkest demons, for now, but what about later when I fall down that rabbit hole again? It is supposed to be all temporary because that’s how life works, unfortunately. But, I am living for those minutes, for the happiness, for the time I am spending with you because I know that someday it will be over and I don’t want to regret not doing or not saying something that I really wanted, even though the truth is I don’t always hear it back, because that’s the way you are and I have to respect that.

It is about the little moments and there is a need to enjoy them while they last.

Most of the times, it’s not about being romantic af all the time (you know, but sometimes you can be), but about being real. I mean, being real can be defined as- adult stuff- being honest with each other, having conversations of, I dunno- of a deeper character , taking care of each other, listen to each other when the one has something important to say…it all takes time to learn how to cooperate all of tis into one healthy relationship that would suit to both.

I really wanna come to that level in my life, when I am not afraid of loosing anyone again.The day when I become heartless and won’t really let anyone to step into my comfort zone, will just come.

But for now, I am too young and  too kind hearted for that.

We will see.

N.

P.s: Take the other party for a walk, that’s a good start.

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