Who we truly are

It is unbelievable how many people are trying to pretend that they are somebody else.

Like they are pretending that thoughts in their head are being managed by somebody totally different. Just like somebody else just took over their head on their command. The same “somebody else” who fears on behalf of them, someone who takes over everything, who spins all the doubts in their head like over a thousand times a day. Someone who repeats that one mistake all over again for them, while swearing it as the last time now.

What do they get from it?
Is it like a some kind of twisted pleasure?
Really?
Or is it just a sweet feeling?
To die while you are still alive.

What really interests me, when will I ever give up on talking and writing. I will not explain things to those who do not understand and those who do I have nothing to say to.
And yet, I am still trying, like a fool.

Just a habit…habit, habit, habit- repeating itself.

N.

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Soul search

Every morning I am waking up bored to reality and through the majority of nights I am rambling about how are we supposed to wake up to the dream we’ve always been dreaming of.

You are sitting at your kitchen table at the morning, looking out of the window, thinking like “how the hell did I get to this mess we call a life?”.
You are in a situation that you might think you won’t survive, that the thing is not going to get solved since life (and also shit) happens.
If you dig into the past, let’s say a year and a half ago, that you and your pride did not think you’d survive and three years ago you were even in a bigger mess than this, you did not think you’d survive either.
The point is, that you are able to always surprise yourself with the amount of strength you have at the bottom of your soul, because every time you think you’re not gonna survive this or that, it always turns out that the bottom will never leave you hanging and help you find your way back.

Maybe one day, you will find the right way back home, because there might be someone waiting for you. The minute you step inside, you discover that you are not the one who’s lost.

N.

Pic source: Tumblr

“I met you for a reason”

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After hearing this sentence for the first time I immediately thought of people that I will never forget in my life. We do not even have to talk anymore, but you left behind something that made me the person I am today.
Like, have you ever imagined that someone who made such a huge impact on your life, actually never came near you? Do you think that your life would be the same? Ahh, those questions…after all, everybody’s a hero after the fight.

But out of the general point of view, there are people who come to your life that you, on one hand, will never forget even though they are not in your life now, but on the other hand, there are also people who you would be glad that are not in your life anymore, just because of the toxicity of their nature.

As a matter of fact, time goes by so fast, sometimes you do not even realize and one month pass without you even really noticing. My point is, that sometimes (maybe just accidentally) you are forgetting to value those people who are surrounding you. It doesn’t have to be just about the forgetting, but you just simply don’t do it for some unknown reason. The things is, that as long as they are here, appreciate them, make them see it and most importantly never miss an opportunity to tell them how much they mean to you.

Then there are those people that you meet at the most unexpected times of your life, get to know them like a back of your hand, spend a scary amount of time with them and then it hits you and you start thinking about the other side of the card. I mean, you look at them and a sudden thought comes through your head, like- “Damn, it’s gonna hurt so bad when they leave…” But after all, then you shush this thought with a simple “Oh my, I prayed for this and I can’t believe it’s here. It’s happening.” And everything bad just leaves.

In life we meet so many people- like those who give us the best memories, that you will tell your children one day, even though when you met you were just two empty trains entering even emptier station. Even if your railways split at some point (which is always an option) you will follow the way with a feeling that both your presence but also your absence might mean (or meant) something.

We need at least one person in our lives who understands what we do not say. Even if we send just a picture or a song to them, they immediately know what we are trying to say. It’s understandable because there are days when you don’t know how to express yourself, and that’s completely normal.
Those people surround themselves with this notion that I have always wanted to experience – meaning, that it is amazing how some of them can feel like home. It is not a rule that home needs to be just a house and it happens that you feel homesick for them.

Those people touch you without even touching you.

Those people who you think you knew even before getting to know them for real.

Those people who understand every single corner of your mixed up mind.

Those people are insane but important.

..because two souls don’t find each other by simple accident.

I firmly believe we met for a reason, whether it was for making each other happy or for help. I will never stop being a decent person even though there were times when I really wanted to stop, and appreciate them in the best way possible.

That’s my plan- what’s yours?

N.

Pics source: Tumblr

Stability

She finally got a question she wanted. He asked her what can he give her that she never ever got before.

“Stability.” – was her response.

“If you want to give me something, that I have never got from anyone else, please, do not give me mixed signals and miscellaneous feelings, because of which I am gonna be just insecure and nervous. I am tired of being insecure. If you want to be with me, you simply have to stay here by my side. All I need here is feeling stable.

C.B.