Everything seemed to be so so important back then, but in retrospective, and from other point of view, life was so unbelievably unimportant.
Have you ever imagined your life as a timeline of some milestones? (Nah, not that Facebook shit *groan*) Well, if not, you did a good job so far, because it is not like that. You are expected (from every single side) to finish your school (even though it is okay, if you won’t), get married, have (a successful) job, start a family and just live in a comfortable way in some certain age. In my opinion, it’s not a rule, that everything from that „life bucketlist“ have to particularly happen.
You are allowed to explore yourself, your needs, desires, your interests – but as a mater of fact, people forget about it, because someone at the very beginning once told them, that life is supposed to be a „program“. By program, I mean – go to high school, end it with great success, and in such a young age choose your „life carrier“ at some university. Go through it (like it’s a easy path, oh my) even though there are situations, when people might not be that satisfied with their chosen major. Then finish up with the highest degree you can possibly achieve, go out find a job- try hard and then try harder. Then next stop, next stop…and so on, thinking that you are filling up some „life list“ while you are just doing something you are expected to do from the very beginning.
And now, I am gonna tell you a secret- One day, you’ll end up being so sick of it all, because deep inside of you, you’ll feel that this is stupid and you’ll be waking up depressed because your life you’re living just like others, like a blind sheep in some dark cot, filled up with other misfortunate ones. The stressed out mind of yours will be visible, even though you’ll want to hide it. You will be under so much pressure and won’t even understand why.
Do you really want to see your life in ruins?
(1) Let’s say you can do a lot of things that can destroy your world and leave you a wreck. Well, there is a posiblity you can ruin your life by choosing to be with a wrong person.
People tend to jump into relationships just like that, they are not even thinking before they literally step into the dark not knowing where the bloody pit, they’re gonna step in, is really situated. This is a major problem nowadays- people not thinking, taking quickly the first thing universe gives them, not waiting, not getting to know each other – just jumping into undiscovered areas. Thinking only about things that are not that important, not realizing that people are tools for destroying too.
Then there are people, the desperate ones, who need to find that one person and stay with them just because they can’t be be alone (no, not at all) Do you know on how many levels is that wrong? Maybe on every single one- a childish happening, indeed.
It is an adult sign, if you are able to be alone and still feel okay with it.
Go out alone.
If you master those things first, then you know you’re ready. Don’t be desperate for a realtionship, don’t become a wreck by running after something that supposed to come naturally. Just wait for it, and then – it will turn out to be worth.
(2) If you are a reagular reader here, then you’ll know, I used to talk a lot about past stuff. Do you know why I don’t do that anymore? Because I didn’t let it grow through me. I killed that tile- yes, it happen, from time to time, that I see some new browses in the ground, but as much as I’ve learned, I have to systematically kill it all and surely, can’t let it define me, under any circumstances. If something happened and you think it broke you, no, it jsut broke a little piece of you, on the inside. You are always strong to go on, because nothing is that bad, that it can’t always be worse.
You have to allow yourseld to let go and move on. You will never redo and relive those moments and memories so…You are becoming an adult and you have to manage yourself to go straight forward and you won’t look back for toxic happenings, that poisons your mind over and over again.
(3) Have you ever be scared of stop feeling? Well, that happens too. People are desensitizing their life, simply said.There are situations when they are afraid to say something that they really want other (or him/her) to know, but then let go of it, just because of the scare of the reaction is overwhelming their voice. It is always the same with feeling towards people- falling into it too deeply or showing what they mean to them. Nowadaysm a word caringis synonymical to a word foolish. Yes, the truth is, it makes you vulnerable- it is very easy to step on it and crush it, in few seconds, just like that. You can’t deny it, that’s how true it is.
Personally, I think there is no shameabout it- So, (if you gain enough confidence, and I hope you do) tell him what you really meant when you laid back to back in bed yesterday night. Tell your mom you love her, eyes to eyes, because you know she’d be so fucking happy, you can’t even imagine.
Express yourself without being so afraid because of this, this, and that. There is no bigger courage than come clean and open up in front of the world.
(4) Because one day you maybe realize that you are doing everything the way it destroys you, you are sitting in the cold corner and quietly tolerating it. At the end of the day, you are supposed to celebrate to be alive with someone you love (even though it is just your cat or dog). You can’t settle down for less, when deep down you know you can do much better and this is just not enough. That’s how you kill your potential and desire.
So I advice you- don’t let things like that happen to you, if you love yourself, at least a teeny tiny little bit. Do not try to fucking cut your life into pieces of debris.
You can always do so so much better than this, you just have to open your eyes wider and do not let anything to sneak behind your back without you noticing it.
Always be one step ahead.
Because when you got down here, you can surely do that.
↑One of my favourite ones↑
I’d say, that 9/10 mornings are slowly becoming accomplishments, just with the waking up part and turning like 6 alarms off. Well, this phenomenon started a very long time ago. At least for some of us. It all started maybe at the period of time when you happened to be aware of your inside world.
Maybe when you turned 15, the mornings were like walks to the mail box outside of your house and back to your breakfast.
Then after some time, when you turn 17, the waking up part seems a little bit harder, let’s say it’s similar to walking through crowded place while trying to fight wind, blowing against your…everything. The fact is, that you don’t always feel happy and alive, but sometimes, when you leave for a weekend, then happen to end up in friends car, singing along to some stupid song, laughing at stories that happened like hundred years ago, and even though the windows are down and you are feeling a little bit cold, it doesn’t bother at all because this moment will make you feel better and fuel you at least for upcoming week or so.
Then one day, you are a year older, thinking of the things that made you feel warm last year, ended you high school this year, a very big step. Suddenly, there is a switch and you don’t care anymore about shit, so you create a smile on your face- just for you. Take a sip of your coffee and move on with your life.
,,Fuck, I am 20 today…” – That’d be a thought when you wake up at the morning , but 2 years later. You’re standing in the kitchen, making yourself breakfast, still drinking coffee like you used to and listening to that one song that really squeezes your heart- you don’t even know why. You’re just standing there quietly, munching your food, yawning at some point, trying not to look at the big watch hanging on the wall. You are supposed to leave in a bit, for university or work or shopping for groceries (and that looks really unavoidable now). So even though you are supposed to go, you’re still standing there, thinking of the old books in your shelf that made you feel excited. The thing is, you don’t feel that excited at all today.
Do you miss it?
Is this mood happening just because it’s morning?
This needed to happen- those 5 minutes of nostalgia were inevitable. You are realizing you will never be that 15 year old “baby” with no real problems and hell, this is the first time you are this old! You unfortunately don’t remember all the things that happened on your way here, but you know what?
It doesn’t matter.
The song is over.
Finishing up your coffee.
Breathe in and breathe out.
Well, again, with a smile on your face, you’re glad that you’re still here and you even though so many things happened. Realizing that most mornings you get out of the bed, are enough.
At least for now…
P.s: Maybe it’s better to be a night person instead *haha*.
The thing I am seeing every single day will always eat my mind…but again…
..today, when I was busting my ass in gym, I looked around me for a second or two, when I had a break, a lot of people were staring to their phones, even people in the mall, behind the see-through gym walls, were walking and staring into their phones instead of their eyes.
I am guilty of it sometimes as well, but for some time by now, I am trying to reduce my time on phone or staring to some social media or whatever. Sadly, as a young person- still struggling with it.
You know, as a blogger/writer I can say, that social media are something really important for us. It’s our “natural environment”…well sometimes I tend to think- unfortunately. This century requires technology more and more every single day. Among other things, Youtubers are having a job, photographers are having a job (as well as on other spheres), artists, singers, producers, …and I can go on and on. Honestly,Internet just took over the power over our lives.
But do you remember the times when we weren’t addicted to the social media and Internet, when we had time to look around us, when we accidentally didn’t trip on the stairs because we were staring into our phones? Do you remember when those times were enough?
When we met our friends in town, had such a great time and it was freaking enough? Those times when we were just together, celebrated friendship in the best way possible with couple beers and that mattered the most? We didn’t really need a photographical proof of the hour or two we spent in some random bar.
Do you even remember when conversation was enough? Imagine someone sitting in the bar, being actually outside with friend or two and the person is staring into the phone because there is a freaking urgency to text other 5 friends about something…Those people are not even sitting in front of you and you are giving them even more attention than to people who are actually staring at you with a question mark in their eyes. They came to see you, appreciate it a little.
Oh, it was such a nice time when a simple enjoying of the moment ( The Heat of the Moment ) was enough. When we simply sat outside, in the nature or in some park and didn’t feel the necessity to take a picture of everything (because we didn’t really have phones back the, duh!), Snap everything, record everything, edit it all, add two or three filters for it, crop, and post post post post till our thumbs won’t be all red and all of the people will see the wonderful moment that you just went through without you even noticing. Tell ’em.
I am so disappointed that not even a silence is good enough nowadays. I am a very big fan of silence from time to time. Most of the times, when I am in nature, I guess. That one fills me with joy, right away. But today? The silence is filled up with beeping phones because some new notification is here and ready to be opened and poor silence is just left out from the program for being too loud now. Well well well…
Then switching point to more verbal things to be- the times when “thank you” was enough. When we didn’t really have to post it on social media to see all the comments because we need to show other 54265 people that we are graceful for something that maybe was supposed to stay in our minds hidden in front of the world? Just maybe? So inspiring *sarcastic clapping sound*
And then…do you still remember when a simple sentence “I like you” was still enough to make your day (or make your whole week maybe?)? Now, all the strangers going through our pictures, scrolling and scrolling and srolliiing…giving the “thumbs up of appreciation” and they don’t even know what we are like. “Hmmm”.
My personal final lap in this one- those times when a simple “I want you” just melted your heart and you couldn’t stand on your feet because suddenly they were weak af? Enough? Ahh hell, we didn’t worry abut texting back, filling up the gaps between the messages with worrying about the time between one and another message.
We wanted to be wanted and that counts even now – all the people want to be wanted and we want the particular person want us even more.
Nowadays, people are still waiting for those three little words, they want to hear out loud. But then they realize that it’s nothing- because they actually need to see it, words are suddenly not enough…oh?
Do you fucking remember when “I love you” was enough?!
When you grow up to a certain age, you start to think differently about, let’s say, specific things. The time when you are contemplating if you’ve done something you’ve always wanted, or how you’ve wanted.
If you want to know – Now is the time you can call Your Time. The real period of time you can say yes, I am aware of what I want in life. The time you don’t want to feel betrayed again because you want something different now. The fact is, you already left behind people who you never imagined living without. But see? You are still here, alive and kicking! You are wiser now, walking down the street with people who are worth. I hope you’ve made sure that you’ve picked the right ones this time.
Even though it is hard, try not to get stuck in your (broken) past, don’t try to “re-live” those moments from your memories in your mind again by thinking about it so much. It is painful to say, but those moments will never happen again. That’s why you need to cut it off and start to really live and enjoy your life as much as you can. You still have only one life so go through it as comfortable as you want to.
Today, you look around and you are able to see it.
So many opportunities to gain as much courage as you are able to absorb, inhale confidence and exhale doubts, sit alone, but not feel alone at all; and so so many other things in life that are important for you. Simply give your life the exact meaning, like you’ve always wanted.
Keep traveling with the best feeling on your life path.
,,Words to the battle?”
Is it weird when I say that when I was falling asleep yesterday and also simultaneously thinking about this one article? I was planning to write everything what was on my mind, but unfortunately I fell asleep before I was able to write it down…such a shame, am I right? You can’t imagine how disappointed I was when I woke up at the morning with a thought of having nothing in my head which was connected to that idea of the article? SO, today I was thinking about it so hard and eventually decided to let it be..when something is fortuned to be in your head, it will appear again or arrive at the minute when you really need it.
But there is still one question in my head, that is kinda a pain in the ass for me. The question goes like this:
,,Why the hell people have this one tendency of going back to the past?”
I am still thinking about it and I can’t find that one door titled with a simple word which would be the best one: EXIT. Is it possible to leave this kind of state of mind? I know there are people who literally enjoy still thinking about it, playing it on repeat, again and again because it is like their “karma kick to the ass” because they think that they are the one who fucked it up. There are people who simply can’t get rid of their past happenings.
Imagine it like a big and heavy stone, which is apparently unmovable (is it even a word?). Something (or maybe I would say someone) is keeping you away from the one well deserved peace in your mind. I think it is all about things that remain under the ground- unrevealed things, things that are still there, still waiting for the right time to leave your mouth. Those words need to be said and you are aware of that. When something bothers you, say it. Don’t wait, because sometimes it’s too late and there is nothing that can be done. You simply can’t turn back time.
Tell them how you feel about it all, don’t leave out any detail, because every single detail counts, make them feel what you felt those nights when you weren’t able to sleep,watch them fry themselves in their own juice because at least one time you can afford this look. Well,why not? This is the one time you can, because next time when they approach you, the door will be completely closed, you will be satisfied with your decision with no regrets.
But yes, what if you can’t say it? Yes, indeed, this is a question. I am surely not the one who knows exactly what to do, but one thing is obvious. If the blood on your hands scares you, then you need to wash it. Translation needed? Even though something looks horrifying and “undoable” you need to pull your teeth and do it. If you are able to at least admit this then you are on a good way to get better. It will make you free, maybe not fully, but at least at some point you will feel better, you’ll feel more peaceful and somehow …you soul will be lighter. It would be the best for your mental state to say it out loud.
I am twisting in a circle of mind things. Round and round and round we go…do you remember? How about get your shit together?
There will forever be things that I can’t leave behind just like that. I don’t know why, but this is the truth. But, if I’m gonna get that one real opportunity to change it, I will reach it and never let it go.
Tendency remains. Why? Because we are people and people get hurt and then when people feel too good and have such a nice period of their lives, they need to remind themselves that something bad happened to them in past. They need to remind, that eventually it will come back. Maybe not, but there is still a possibility that I am right. But I recommend you stop thinking about it, if it’s supposed to come, it will. If not, it won’t. Simple as that.
Is this just a bunch of crap? Will at least one of you finish this till the end?
Those are the real questions I should be asking. Because I am kinda going down to the hurricane with no emergency cord. I guess he is the one left who is holding me above the surface. Hmm..at least for now. And I can say, it makes my soul a little bit lighter, even though he has no idea.
P.s: Tendency of looking towards the sun slowly laying down? Maybe I can help you with that.