Night night

Sometimes I am asking myself- “Is this really all I can get from you? Is this really everything? A cold shoulder?”To be honest with you, the feeling of not being wanted (enough) is one of the worst ones in life. 

Those are the thoughts that keep you awake at night, even though you want to sleep so badly.

But then you turn on the other side of the bed and there are the little things in your head, suddenly appearing in your mind, just out of the blue- like a kiss of your hand just before sleep or a good laugh about some unimportant shit…the mutual understanding at some point or even a slightly interesting topic of a conversation still make you believe in a better future of yours.

And that one still make you smile, admit it.

Then you turn back and see the back of his, facing you in a innocent state of deep sleep, and you know that there will be a new sunrise tomorrow. At least you don’t have to be insecure about this one. 

Okay? 

Okay. 

N.

Hemingway knew about it long before we did

The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure that it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.

Ernest Hemingway 

Everyone must have experienced this at least once in their lives. Don’t try to tell me the opposite, but look into the mirror, watch the dark circles under your eyes getting even darker and then tell me that I am a liar.

We all have been broken by something or somebody. That stuff happens. Most of the people will learn their lesson and become stronger after this unpleasant happening. The most important thing is the approach they will create or the inner statement they will believe in.
It is said, that if it is not going to break you, it will kill you.

How come?

Because you have to let the pain break you, that’s the only way you are going to get over it and let the time heal you properly. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?
If you will suppress the pain and the agony inside of you, you will soon explode and there is a strong possibility that it will kill you for good. Not for real, but kill any attempt to be normal again. By normal I mean, to  integrate and socialize again. Like you used to…you still remember that, do you?

If you just decide to not to do anything with the reality of “underground” you will just survive day by day, you will not live. You will just count down the days till you simply stop and your body will turn off. That’s why the “no special hurry” like it is said, it is going to kill you slowly, day by day, from worse to the worst.

We all know who is the only one able to stop it.

N.

P.s: I do think he was right.Instagram

The Domino Effect

&.&.&

Once upon a time, there was this void hiding in understanding. I was answering one question after another and gradually digressing from one phenomenon to other one, as well as unfolding the chain of happenings.

I was revealing the sandy desert with a small brush so that I won’t destroy the reality hiding under it. I found peace in every single reality, the perfect equilibrium in each detail that was being present.

The more human I am, the less I feel. The more I see behind the curtain, the less I am interested in the drama. Now I know why and more importantly, I know what – the thing is that there is no drama performed in this colossal and messy theatre. Just a sad play and I am the invulnerable spectator.

The particular sense is fake, the reality is just a total nonsense. We are all just a result of domino effect, one small brick in the middle of an enormous paragon. Equally important as well as insignificant like all the others. Just an emptiness of the purpose with the definition of nothing. The eternal darkness, windless setting, zero gravity.

So I have come this far just to realize that there is no other way? I am standing just one step in front of the emptiness and before I make the next move, I have to know what exactly I want to see.

And I don’t know it.

Yet.

The Instant Photographer.

N.

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The Weekend-long Czech trip

Exactly a month ago I was in this beautiful town called Znojmo in Czech Republic.

But first of all, I should tell you how did I get to go to this interesting little town. Obviously from the title you got the point what was the starter for this little weekend trip – it was a Christmas gift from his parents. First of all, I am so freaking thankful for this opportunity to go and see a new place again not to just mindlessly and stereotypically spend my time in my hometown as I do like every single day during the week. Yes, because I have to, and I’ve heard that school is important so a one reason more to visit that institution. But back to the main topic, since we are not here to discuss my stereotypical school life but something slightly interesting.

Well, where to start? Maybe with a first day. We woke up in a lovely looking small hotel (that as we found out two days later used to be a brothel and we had a nice laugh about it), had breakfast and decided to go to explore the town a little.

Firstly we went to see Znojmo Town Hall Tower, and actually it is like one of the highest points in there.

So as a active people with super healthy lifestyle (*beeping of the sarcasm detector*) we got to the very very top of it. And let’s see what was waiting there for us, shall we?

Can you see the church in the back round? Prepare yourselves, you will see it later even more.

Beautiful am I right? But actually I was sticking my hands with the camera out of the window ↓
Is there something I wouldn’t do for a picture? ↓

Jail time in the tower

I know they are both the same, but I couldn’t decide which one to use.

I had to do as much pictures as possible because I always can’t get enough of the beauty of place…

After we climbed down the tower, and our feet slowly led us through the aisles to the church of St. Nicholas.

I am really into doors, sorry to interrupt the journey but I had to.

♥.♥.♥

The perfect sun timing!

What a nice a view ♥☺

After walking we sat down for a while to have a coffee because as a matter of fact- we were only in the first half of our Saturday journey.

After the amazing coffee (and painkillers in my system, because my head hurt like hell!) we went back to the centre of the town to visit the incredible Znojmo Catacombs, that were like a labyrinth under the whole town (as a matter of fact it was like 27 km long and we got to see only like 1-2 km because it was really really cold there, but we still stayed there like 2 and a half hours because the guide couldn’t stop talking)
The first thing that guide did when we entered the Caracombs he said that we are going to play “Hide and Seek” and we are supposed to find him. I was like WTF man it is like 30 km long…how? He said it will be pretty easy just give it a try- actually we got to him like in 3 minutes of running and almost even kneeling because the walls were really narrow and ceilings were really low.

Pretty scary huh?

This is called a Water Grave. I don’t think I have to explain it to you.

The funniest thing was that after 2 and a half hour, freezing, tired and feeling like a canal rat we came out in a completely random old panel house (and I note that that panel house was residential) and it was like three streets away from the place where we started. This is the place where we came out of the residential panel house ↓

Just imagine the faces of people on the streets when they saw a group of people in rubbery coats, rubbery boots (we had to wear them because we went through mud and water as well) and colorful helmets- looking like crazy af.

I was so so hungry I almost didn’t see so we decided to go to the hotel for the dinner since it was almost 5 pm when we left the Catacombs.

On our way home I got to see those two completely different but beautiful buildings!!

I have always been in love with some interesting places because they were extraordinary (at least for me) and I am always happy to go somewhere new where something takes my breath away just by the appearance or by the beauty of it. For example I am trying to find the beauty in simple things like for example nature in concrete:

It is simple, but it stayed in my mind because it was something I want to remember. also simple memories are important. And you know it.

On Sunday we still had one day, but we decided to visit one other town that was even smalled then Znojmo. The town was called Mikulov. Another historic town that caught my attention with its buildings and astonishing “old beauty”.

Even though the building is old and you can see the marks of damaged plaster, but still this is one of the buildings that catch your eye when you pass by.

and again…

A very old Dietrichstein tomb

So much beauty in this picture guys, I can’t even express how much I loved that door.

Then we moved on to the castle of Mikulov but unfortunately the tours n the caste were beginning in 2 weeks so we didn’t get to see the inside of the castle but at least we went for a walk inside of the gardens around the caste itself.

 I have to admit that this article was a long and exhausting ride till I got it all out. But anyway, after coffee and some desserts we sat into the cars and left Czech Republic and came home all happy and healthy but most of all tired.

Even though it was a month ago I can still feel the good feeling which I felt there. I am incredibly thankful that I was able to go with him and his family and have such a nice time with all of them. It was feeling like a very short weekend because everything that is good will end so quickly that you can’t even spot when.

But really, thank you my dearest, for everything.

N. 

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“…to let the life happen to me and let it happen around me.”

“…don’t look at me, the trustworthy night let me do it.”

There are so many things that are happening throughout our lives, so many memories, so many things that you want to remember till the end of your life and on the other side things that you want to forget the minute it happened.

Well, life is unexpected, I would say.

People change, things change, opinions and reason are shifting from one corner to another and suddenly you are not sure of anything.

I have learned throughout the years that nothing stays the same, and maybe I am still learning that because I can always see some flaws in my mind flow. Even though I know that(nothing stays the same) as a fact, I am still fighting it and can not stop it. There are times when I just sit down and want to truly understand all the things that are happening around me.
I always go and go and go and go and I am really rushing to everywhere so that I don’t have to think that much and I am rushing so much that my head starts to spin and I get dizzy. This is why I am trying to learn how to slow down. I am always trying to hurry up and come to my destination with an inhuman speed.

I can’t say that I like the speeding thoughts in my head either . That’s why I am trying to quiet them, at least a little, if it’s not possible to quiet them fully. Maybe also to close my eyes and breathe when something fucks up so much that I just want to scream and just stand up and go away, or just count to ten and leave it.

I am trying to understand that I have to let life happen, and by that I mean, to let the life happen to me and let it happen around me.
I am trying to accept that I can’t always get the answers I want even though I want them so badly that it is impossible to handle.

I have always wanted to be still and not to be in 3 places in one, to calm the hell down and just stay still- close my eyes, freeze the time in my head, make the memory fly around me and make it to take a seat in the particular place in my head just because I want it to be there, just in case something happens.

I was trying to learn to live in present and not in the past, because as I am getting older I understand even more what it means to leave things behind and try to look at them as opportunities and experiences and to learn something from them, for sure. It is a very hard and difficult path to take but I decided to take it because I know it is healthier than what I did like a year and a half ago. It is like a next item to scratch out from the list, and I am sure that someday I will scratch it out to the fullest.

I know that staying still is not the biggest “terno” and I know it doesn’t mean that suddenly you have a perfect life and everything is awesome and blah blah blah, but I want it to give me a reconciliation. The pure peace that will let me know that I can finally stop running like a crazy person in circles and I can finally stop running in like four different directions, stop wanting to have all the answers at the same moment when I ask the questions. I don’t need to be always in the middle, in tune with everybody ,because then I will have no chance to focus on things that matter.

I have always wanted to be still, not static, but a strong person that I am not. Yet.

Maybe it would be the best if I stopped asking so many questions and demand the answers, but look around me and just appreciate the fact that I am here and I am relatively healthy and I am who I am because that won’t change. I will stop trying to write my own path then I will stop constantly trying to be someone I am not or be somewhere I don’t belong to and instead of all of it, I will try to just be.

Did you find yourself in it? Let me know.

N.

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The late late winter wonderland

“Winter wonderland…I am speechless…”

After all this time I decided to come back again.
I don’t know why, but after almost 4 month of “burn-out” I started to think about all the things that happened, all the memories that resonate in my mind still to this day, all the places I visited. I wanted to share it again and I wanted you all to see the beautiful places I’ve been to. I have to admit it was not that far away (I mean like going abroad) but it was still here in my beautiful country full of nature and mountains. Today, I wanted to show you a winter piece (even though it is already spring here).

That day we decided to go to High Tatras, and also stop by Štrbské Pleso  and the area around. We packed our things, sat to the car and drove like 2 hours to see the winter wonderland. We stopped here ↓ because it was on the way to our destination that you will see later in the article. We got out of the car to go for a walk around the frozen lake. It has always been beautiful, but in my opinion, it is most beautiful during winter, let’s see.

This was it, I was immediately enchanted with the white beautiful area around me and for more- it started to snow, which made the place even more beautiful. But, see for yourself.


Just a little info: As you can see in the picture, the trees are little weird, don’t you think? At some places there are trees and maybe there is a missing place? This is why: On the 19th of November 2004, High Tatras were affected by an enormous windstorm/calamity/disaster (118 km/hour strong wind) and it changed the area beyond recognition. In an unprecedented scale destroyed, damaged forests, but also the whole complex of factors governing water regime, climatic conditions, the limits of the various plant and animal species. I remember it even though I was only 8 years old at that time, it was all over the news for a very very long time, and I do know that a lot of people were affected and also some people died there because the ambulance couldn’t get to them. After almost 13 years, the forest is trying to “recreate” all the lost trees, but the amount of nature our country had lost because of this unfortunate happening is irretrievable.

But, back to a happier topic? That would be appropriate, I guess.
After this stop we got back to the car and continued on our way to (*drum rolls*) – Hrebienok, which is a ski resort and a mountain where you can get by your own lazy feet (like 45 minutes) or by a mountain cogged railway (something like a little train) and it is like 15 minutes (5 km) up to the Hrebienok. Since it was not a bad weather that day, so we decided to go by our feet. That same day, there was a national competition in carving ice sculptures from all the corners of Europe and also a Ice Dome that is there every year during winter.

This was the view from there.

And this ↓ is the mentioned Ice Dome, write down in the comments how you liked it, I am curious what do you think about it! It is from more than 90 tons of ice, so check it out.

My hands were literally freezing because the Dome must be preserved in nonstop “frosty climate”, and I was almost unable to take pictures, that’s how cold I was!

There was also an area with a glassy objects that looked like pure art:

But again, I was freezing as hell and I didn’t even feel my own hands so I just snapped the most beautiful one and had to go out.

Here are some examples of the sculptures that were in the competition:

Simply beautiful, pure and artistic experience.

When it started to get a bit darker we decided to walk back down because after like 3 hours of traveling, slight hiking and cold we were too tired to stay longer.

It was another little trip that I am posting like 3 month later, but since I missed the feeling of writing I wanted to share my memories with you, to show you that even though I am not traveling to America or The Great Britain, it still can be a nice experience.
Nature was, is and will always be the shelter where I know I can come back anytime I want and I will always feel relaxed and excited.

THANKFUL.

N.

P.s: I’ll be back soon. For real.

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