If you are waiting, wait with patience

There have always been a few kinds of waiting.

I was sitting in the church today and simply wasn’t listening to anything, I was just thinking like I usually do. I mean, my mind is always like 20 km away from there. Why? Don’t exactly know. I am just a over-thinking type of person, as you can see. Not exactly the best thing, but I have to deal with that like every single day, so I got used to myself.

That one type of waiting when you know that something’s gonna happen. Maybe you are waiting in a line for a coffee, or waiting in a waiting room for check up. Either you are waiting for your mom to stop talking to her friend on the street or you are waiting in a restaurant for a waiter to bring your food…you know, those things will happen in short amount of time. Those things WILL happen.

Then there is the type of waiting when you know something won’t happen but still trying to convince yourself it will. That little naive happening in your head when you know that the person will never come back or your pet will never give you its favorite fetching toy again. When you simply know it will never happen again but the foolishness and memories are keeping your mind alive during the night still thinking and hoping and wishing. It happens. You wouldn’t even believe how often.

And after that there is waiting for something so bad even though you don’t really know what is it gonna be. You don’t know it’s coming and it will come when you really won’t be expecting it. Because in your worst times you are sitting on your bed, creating things and perfect happenings in your head  and after that sleeping normally again.

Have you ever asked yourself if you are a patient person?
Because there’s the thing:
Waiting requires quite a big amount of patience in general.

Either it is number one two or three, you still have to realize everything is about being patient. If you are in doubt, don’t be. Patience is not a absence of action. It is all about timing, about a perfect timing. You are just waiting for the perfect time to act in the right way.

Firstly ask yourself if you are able to handle it.
I hope you do.

N.

P.s: Waiting on lights? Take you time and read the sign, then you’ll know.

Before we turn the lights out, all we have is who we are

“ℵ”

I was working this past week at one exhibition and it’s been a very exhausting few days in my life. I do really admire people who work with people in such close contact as I did and I can say that this was a really  back – breaking experience (literally).

The last days was kinda free because there were just a few people. Not that much as e.g Wednesday or Thursday and people were kinda grumpy and not willing to participate. After like 5 refusals in a row I just got a little upset, it was visible, and one salesman who worked with me just came to me and told me one sentence that was a little bit terrifying. It went something like this:

,,You know what? I looks like a bad karma is attracting a bad karma. Maybe this is the case, don’t you think?” 

At that time it just didn’t sound that weird (honestly it sounded more as a joke at that time), but after I came home I started to think about it a little bit more.
I have always been a little scared of me being “bad” or “vicious” in real life. It always looks like I am like that, but after people get to know me it is different (at least I’ve heard it that way..), because I am not the person I look like when you see me for the first time. I don’t care about the first impression unless it is very important for me and for people who cares about it. Because if people really wanna get to know me, they don’t really care about the first impression.

Not too many people can see under the mask on the first meeting, not many people are able to break the walls that quickly. I am sure, people who got hurt and who are afraid to take chances with new people would understand this issue.
It is not about the mask, but about protecting yourself. It is okay to meet new people, but not that good to get affected in a way it feels inappropriate. I mean, it is always a good decision to maintain your own face. Because you can copy someone, you surely can, but still can’t be him/her. You will still be you in the best way possible.

I will always be afraid to be bad in mind of mine, because I am not like that. I can feel it. I don’t care what people think about me in general and I will never will because I am just that kind of a person. If I wanna say something, I will.If I wanna do something, I will and will be satisfied with that, because that’s how I am.

So always before I turn the lights out I do make sure I know who I am, because that’s really all I have.
After some thinking I still have that one sentence in my head, that what if it is other way, what if he was right. Still waiting for somebody to tell me that he was wrong. Not according to this, but according to my actions. Maybe I will hear it someday.

I just open the door and wait till somebody close it with an answer.
After that I’ll know.

N.

P.s: Free day? Free meadow full of clovers and daisies should be enough for now.

Those unplanned happenings

Honestly? I am getting used to this and it feels so good.

I can say, that being happy is something you can get used to very easily. Then okay, when it goes away, then it’s pretty hard to go back, but still, I am not thinking about it right now. It’s gonna be a problem some other time (maybe).

It feels so good to just to grab his hand, take a car and drive somewhere where is a quiet area, nice a warm hearted people and chill/relax.

Just sitting/walking there, not thinking about anything negative, having a clear head. Then just grab his hand again and move a few km away to see this:

Simply letting the kite fly, feeling the freedom 🙂 loving that so much

Of course, the best trips happen unexpectedly. Even better when it is with people who are worth, and indeed- with him.

For some people maybe something worthless or unnecessary, but for me…I really value those memories and happenings, that’s why I take so many photos, to keep those memories alive. If this is not a life happening, then tell me what it is – because I love it that way.

Thank you,

N.

 

Creativity has no borders

Dedicated to the Reader.
You may find what you’re looking for.

*Creativity has no borders*

I have heard this sentence a lot of times before. I would say it is pretty individual. Why? Everybody has their own creativity, whether it is painting, taking photos, writing…any kind of art. I have mine and you have yours.

A few days ago, someone told me to take more photos a simply stop thinking that much. Because…

Sometimes it’s better to think less.

Take photos for example.

Take a photo of something abstract.

Maybe smile for something that happened

Go out.

See the nature.

Walk.

Do what you like.

Travel.

Travel even more with someone who is worth of it.

Anything but thinking.
Just forget about all of it and let it go.
Stop bothering yourself with over-thinking.
Give your mind a break, at least for a while.

You deserve it.

N.

START SOMEWHERE

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Last week I turned 20. I don’t know if to say “finally” or “unfortunately”. Those lazy, f-ing lazy days are over and a new chapter is supposed to begin, from this September- again.

*sigh*

As one person said to me exactly a year ago- One step closer to death.
But it’s still so true tho.
So that day I was sitting at an empty office, and it all made me think about life again. Well, I am not even surprised because that usually happens when I work.

I just sat there with eyes closed for a little while and I was thinking. About what? About happenings, about people being stuck between what they know and what they feel, about the changes that may happen after you leave somewhere and come back but to the other corner…over-thinking and wondering much? I might do that often but with a glad feeling in my head, because it is true that I get so lost sometimes. Sometimes I just shut off and instead of thinking about people “falling in love” I think about why people can “fall out”.

I am still thinking about the reason.

♦How many people at this particular moment are running away from something, but how many of them are running home?
♦There is a possibility of having the worst day ever, but it can always be just somebody’s Tuesday.
♦But most of the times, I like thinking about other people’s happiness. I was walking around the town and realized, even though I see a lot of couples and being a little bit bitter in my mind, at the very end of the day I like seeing them holding hands on the streets, or sneaking a kiss while they are waiting for the lights to change.
♦Even though you hate it (yes you.), I love watching romantic comedies for thousand times where the guy is trying to get a girl and everything ends perfectly. Why? Because even though it is an illusion, everyone wants to go through something similar at least once in their lives. Because I know that soul mates can exist in a real life with their happy endings.
♦I will always like those songs which you discover like 1 month in advance before the radios will play them all along and people will claim they are annoyed by the song playing all over again but not really. Why? Because they will secretly dance to that song and sing it in their lonely apartment when no ones watching.
♦I don’t know why, but sometimes I tend to walk on the street and simply compliment something I like on a girl walking towards me. Why? Because I know that it is possible that just one simple nice word can completely change ones mood. And I secretly like that feeling.

This is all it. You need to start somewhere where you feel comfortable, and you know that you can handle your inner self. Even thought it will be a simple smile at the morning or something bigger like walking in a crowd of people, not feeling the biggest anxiety ever. It is and it will always be individual.
You need to start with the speed which is suitable the situation and you know that you are able to take the first step with no excuses.

Anyway, try to look up while walking. Sometimes it helps me.

N.

P.s: Photos from my little weekend trip (y)

10 stages of being insecure

 Pull down that plaster quickly, please.

People tend to be insecure.

Ψ About people, their behavior, their actions or reactions. To feel insecure swimming in the crowd because after some time you don’t really know which one of them will stab you in the back.

Ψ About the weather outside. As you know it changes like a mood of a teenager, so you don’t really know what’s gonna happen and more when is it gonna happen.

Ψ About the Sunday morning. It’s the last day of your improvise vacation and you don’t really want it to go away so quickly and easily. Unfortunate.

Ψ About romantic movies. You just simply don’t like them, but watch them anyway. Emotional damage in a shady mind? Maybe.

Ψ About lonely nights. That time when you are writing something in the middle of the night because you know that you would regret not writing it at the morning.

Ψ About mind flips. As you know there are good days and bad days. But to survive those bad days you need a huge amount of courage, because…because you just do.

Ψ About him, his moods, his unexpected moves, his mind, him being quiet, taking his time, not showing his cards with no exception.

Ψ About people who are not in your life anymore. Missing them, but on the other side not missing them at all. Why? Because of a headache and captivity.

Ψ About forgiving. To be completely honest, nowadays, can you really 100%ly trust somebody?

Ψ About the first thing you’re gonna see after you wake up. Is it a illusion? Or is it a real thing that you are able to see with your own eyes? Because sometimes you don’t know.

Being insecure is something common. People don’t get the right feeling these days, even though they expect some.
And the insecurity is born. 

Maybe next time..

N.

 

Because it’s you and it will always be you

Thoughts sometimes overwhelm me, but I do exactly nothing to stop them.

Have you ever thought about your unconscious? Like you do a lot of things just according to it. Sometimes you can hear the little voice in your head (or is it schizophrenia then?) telling you what to do in exact situations. Are you asking if it’s a good thing to listen to it? I don’t really know, because a lot of people are saying that it’s not particularly the best thing. But okay, other half have a pretty different opinion- that when you listen to the back voice, incredible things can happen. Is it really like that?

It is the silent whispering in your head:
,,Just take the step, nothing bad’s gonna happen..”
,,Write it, because why not?..”
,,Say it, you won’t have another chance next time…”

The truth is, that most of the times we won’t get another chance next time.

My opinion? Your unconscious is like the well. A lot is falling down there but only sometimes some things float to the top. Most of the time everything stays on the bottom. From all the vicious shit that you’ve done to the best things you’ll never forget.

Sometimes people have a tendency of burying things in their minds. Maybe things they really wanna forget, but after some time, the things will appear in the worst situation possible. And then you think about it not knowing what to do.

Well well, running in front of the things we’re afraid the most is kind of a common thing for a lot of people.
Running to the woods because you feel safe there.
Because you can breathe there even though you feel bad inside.
Is it like that with everybody?
Or is it just a feeling?

Your unconscious will tell you when the right time will come. Because it’s you and it will always be you. Don’t ever forget about it.

N.