Just give me another day

Round and round and round and round we go…

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Lack of time makes me feel like I am trapped in a different dimension.

Running in circles?

Maybe.

Even though I am supposed to do different stuff, I am sitting here, staring to the dark window and I even caught myself daydreaming today, during the exam. How lucky I am to have such a weird mind. But other times, just daydreaming- what if this what if that, what if this time’s gonna be different? Like, who knows.

It honestly feels like a personal prison, when suddenly you have no time, for practically nothing, and when you do, you are simply not in the right mood or having like a zero energy. Yea, that happens- I’ve been there, I’ve done that.

I think a good time planner and a good will of mine (and of course of your too), to do all the stuff you are supposed to do, would be really in need. But still, it’s up to person, how he/she will manage their time, to make it all without leaving anything behind. You know what is important for you. It’s up to you and your consciousness maybe?

 

I am trying to leave the crowd, or the mass of people which is walking in circles, doing everything in order, doing everything right…feeling kind of a mess when I am jumping and screaming, trying to catch times attention, begging for one more day.
Answer?
Not happening N, sorry, it’s against the rules.
Great, everytime.

Guys, always remember to be responsible for all of your actions and don’t be lazy (okay you can be but not that much!!) to do all your things because only when it’s gonna outrun you and you will crash to the wall with your face, only then you’ll realize the consequences. People tend to underestimate the responsibility nowadays a lot, so that’s why I am warning you not to that because you will make your life a living hell for that.  SO next time, when you can pick between leaving it for the last minute or do it in advance you will know which one to pick 🙂 .

You’ll know better and I know that I will certainly know it too.

N.

P.s: Random pic? Why not. Still walking around the city trapped here, at least sometimes I find some piece of building that is worth to like.

Stereotypical much?

,,And we’ll be running, running, running…”

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I haven’t been anywhere “out of here” for a while. It kinda bothers me because I really don’t like standing still..I know the summer is long gone, but still need to move, even if there is no vacation, or holidays or whatsoever.

I am just walking around the town, needing some inspiration, searching for something with a idea. Despite exams and shit, I would like to leave for a couple of days again because I don’t like the things that are happening here.

Do you also have that feeling when you come from an exciting trip and you are happy it even happened (heat of the moment situation), but in few days you need to leave again because your “place” is killing you? Or okay not killing, but you have a feeling that you need to move and see new things/places, or maybe old places where you haven’t been for some time – like exploring old places again because you know, that you can find something new there? It almost always happens.

To be completely honest, it is very uncomfortable here. The same place, same happenings, the stereotype is getting on me pretty well and I can feel it. Still passing through the same streets, listening to the same music, staring on the same buildings, trees, stuff in general- on and on.
Today I woke up and the first thing on my mind was a simple question- ,,HOW LONG?” For how long do I need to hold on to this? And “surprisingly”, the answer was nowhere to find.

This is simply not way I wanna live my life. It makes me feel sick, but right now, I would say, that I am too young to do anything, but old enough to do at least something.

I have to figure it out because the question is hanging in front of me like every day and something need to be done.
I don’t know what yet, but sooner or later the answer will appear.

If you are going through something similar do everything what’s in your power to get what you want to get, because it’s your life and you will be living it till the end not him her or whoever. You are the one who’s gonna spend the rest of your life with you, so make your wishes and needs come true. Otherwise it’s gonna be a very boring and depressive life and I am sure you don’t really want that.

Fingers crossed.

N.

P.s: Pictures from just one day 🙂

 

 

The truth is, that…

⊗

…the morning when you wake up and suddenly realize, that you were talking about something important yesterday which didn’t work out well. Numb much? Kinda yea..

..going to sleep so late and waking up this early to be able to go forward, take this picture and move on with my life makes me feel ever worse at those times.

…I went out searching for something that’s gonna make sense someday. After some things, I am still searching I guess.

…sometimes asking that why do I even try. Repeating those words ,,I am too young for this shit” all over again.

…I think everybody deserve something real, I mean something you don’t really have to question like every 5 minutes.

…I am here right now, asking you to use one word to describe the way how you feel at this particular moment. It’s very important to be able to do that at certain situation.

At the very end, it’s still life.

So, what is it?

Can you do that?

N.

 

The reminder

∞

I saw those clouds again today.
I always feel better when I see them.
I am always chasing them on the sky, watching them trying to outrun themselves, just like us.
Just like people.
A perfect metaphor.

I don’t know what it exactly is, what I see on the sky, but is fascinates me a lot actually. Either day or night. Night heaven is like the most beautiful when you are out of town, free of lights and everything distracting. Just both of you and the stars. Still in love with the bright sky during the day, even if it’s just a rainy day, sunny clear sky or cloudy changeable one. Because it still reminds me of people, moods,reactions,happenings. .

It reminds me of life…

…and it always will.

N.

Turn it off

,,Too many thoughts for one night.”

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I was standing under the hot shower, like every single other day, thinking about all the stuff that happened today, particularly this night, thinking about one thing above others – What are you exactly doing, when you don’t know what are you supposed to do? Which way are you going? Sometimes I am asking myself, if somebody can explain it all to me, because there are days, when I am totally lost in it.

It’s so fucking hard sometimes, to do the right thing, when you don’t even know which one of them is the right one. How am I supposed to know? Nobody’s ever gonna tell you and that’s the scary thing. You should just try and believe, that the way you are taking isn’t the worst one, because when you take the worst one, you are making yourself even more fucked up, drowning, generally feeling sad with knowing that you are doing it to yourself.

This emotional outburst was just…this was something I didn’t really expect to come today.

Yea. . it’s alright. At the end of the day it’s all alright, because when you are going to sleep, you should be feeling okay. But, then there’s the question. When the hell is it gonna be okay? When the real time’s gonna come and you’ll really feel it’s really okay?…Again, nobody’s gonna tell you. Oh hell yes.

Conclusion? NO there is no conclusion again, because you are the person who is supposed to figure it all out by yourself. I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but I know that you will figure it out. And I am gonna figure it out too.

There is still a way, but you just have to find it and live through it and hold it as long as possible. Because when you don’t hold it..you feel so fucking empty. . .  You are often saying to yourself: ,,I just, I can’t do this anymore. I have to be truthful to myself. There is something happening and I have to figure it out.”
There is something, that every single person carries in themselves and going through it every single day, if it’s happy or it’s sad, but it’s still something. You just desperately need to figure out what is it.

All things I am talking about are not just from the general point of view, something that’s really happening. I hope that at the end of the day, when you are going finally to sleep, having a numb feeling, just wanna lay, don’t want to feel a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g what you felt during the day. You are supposed to forget everything, you are supposed to be happy and chilled etc. You need to realize a lot of things, if you really wanna fall asleep with a light and easy feeling.

Manage yourself to go to sleep today and sleep for real. It’s gonna be a good one, you turn off everything, feeling calm and peaceful, because that’s something that everybody really deserves, am I right?

Yea. . it’s alright. Because at the end of the day you will  know, that there is a new day behind the door and has a very good expectations to be even better that today was. You just have to figure it out.

I really hope you will.

N.

Faux amis

LISTEN TO THEIR UNTRUE LAUGHTER, THEN WALK AWAY

A very wise man, who said this, knew what he is talking about. /Charles Bukowski/

Like we can open a bottle of good wine for this topic- faux amis a.k.a false/fake friends.

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It’s kinda scary how many people are “friends” with this kind of people. You don’t even know how many of them are pretending to be who they are not. Their true nature is hidden for some time, but in conclusion- every time revealed to the world.  Yea, you guessed it right- most of the time happening in movies.
There are some individuals who know, that they are friending somebody who is fake, but doing exactly nothing with that. Still asking myself -why the hell are the people even becoming like that? All purely rhetorical questions, leading myself to a bitter  “no” answer (like usual, when something mainstream comes to my way). People are friending them just like that, for a very long time- then it slides to a happening, that they don’t want to let them go just because they spend so much time with them, have so many memories with them, telling them all their deepest secrets, fucking opening up to them…and the end of the day being the person that cares about them.
Sometimes I am thinking about The Great Karma kicking to the face, if it’s even real and if the people who had done such nasty stuff, will be punished for what they did to others.
Some people need to grow up to that point, when the day D will to come, they’ll realize how damaged they are, just because of that one person that made it all so difficult and easy in the same way. I know it’s hard to let go of somebody, who spent so many years with you, but this is like a first step to make your future better, to make your life better, to be a better person in your own eyes.

They will be laughing in front of YOU, lying willingly to your face and then the moment when you’ll just walk away? Worth of it all.
Don’t let people you know for a very long time, using you. If there is something on somebody you don’t particularly like, just tell them even if it’s weird. It is generally known that truth will set you free, but firstly it will piss you off. In this situation- it will set you free and it will piss them off, because they will know what you won 🙂 . Simple as that. If people get criticism and they are real friends, they will stay. Otherwise, non of your problem anymore.

My advice? Don’t let them win, because you know, that you are not the weak one. This is a game for two people, so you can play too.
Be your own hero if it’s in need.
Allow yourself to let go.

N.

 

The feeling of reverse

,,What about the other side?”

I don’t know how to properly start this time. I am kinda stressed about upcoming days, thinking about what’s gonna happen, but still distracted with thoughts about blog and this topic, so I am here. A long time ago I’ve heard this one sentence- ,,Depressed people are the best writers.” I was thinking about it a lot actually, because it happens all the time and it happens everywhere.
People who are going through some phase of life, tortured by their inside world (what about the outside one?), by their thoughts, even tortured by a person. I do get that, ‘ve been there, ‘ve done that. The saddest people are able to get to the real bottom of their mind and even write about positive things which are not currently in their head, but they are expecting to live like that one day. I would call it a “Reversed depression”. They are giving you life advices about how you are supposed to live your life in a happy way, but at the end of the day, he/she is the one not living according to them. Not excited about that at all, but still happy when somebody can relate to his/hers words. Even if the person doesn’t feel exactly how he/she wants to feel, at least wants the others to feel better in some way. And that’s valuable.

Writing is a shelter for broken souls. To write about anything and still about everything what they are feeling in that particular minute. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, because my feelings wake me up, thinking about all the thing I need to say, opening my laptop, simply writing down all the things I need to get out of my head. Then I just sit down and stare to the darkness till I just simply fall asleep.

Conclusion? Not this time. All of you know what is it to live like that, be this person, write those sentences, feel all the things you felt when you were writing all the things you have never said out loud. I don’t need to talk more, because all of you know my point.

N.

P.s: I know I am leaving so many hidden meanings in every single article, but that’s just me. You are supposed to find something which fits you the best and I hope you will 🙂

Mind games

,,There were all mind games..”- he said.
,,Don’t worry.”

Even if you don’t want to admit it, there is a critical situation (situations?) in your life, when you just feel the pressure, feeling uncomfortable, you don’t fucking like it, asking yourself this one simple question- ,,Are we out of the woods yet?” even if you know, you are not. This is the thing- you need somebody to stay by your side, to tell you that you re not out yet, but you are on the right way to get there. You can’t really be alone for the rest of your life, because it’s gonna destroy you. If you really wanna get there, you need to do things for that.

Situations like that-desperation, all the freekishly weird stuff happening in your head- and you are thinking- loosing all hope was just a simple freedom for you. You lost your hope and suddenly it was all a lot easier- for some time. Do you think that this is right? Yes, so many people are thinking like this. Not for the whole time, but in the particular period of their life, when they just feel that something’s wrong, more importantly, not the way they want it. Being lonely doesn’t really help, you know. Not seeking that desperately and finding, indeed helps a lot in a mental condition of a person. I know I am repeating it all over, but it’s always to have friend by your side, because you don’t really wanna go crazy.

It’s all about your inside world. It’s all about what you have in your mind, how you think and last but not least –  how strong you are, to deal with big/small problems/issues. Basically it’s a mind game, your mind is playing games with you. Are you feeling stuck? I know it sounds depressive and stuff, but still, everything you feel is wrong, is just happening in your head, you are able to change it whenever you want to change it. As I was standing on the balcony, smoking the last cigarette, staring at this beautiful sunset, I knew all of it. When I want to be okay, I am gonna be, if not, I am not gonna be okay. Simple as that. You just need to convince yourself about the simple statement in your mind. Do it and things will move on.

N.

New Year’s Vacation

,,Last and the First” – she whispered

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Hey guys, sorry for not writing as much as usual, but I was on a vacation and I wanted to kinda turn off the tech world as much as possible and enjoy new places, new people and of course New Years Eve=kind of a New Years special article, about how I spent my last few days. But now I am at home and feeling as good as I want to feel, feeling relaxed and scared and stressed out in the same time because the exams are behind the door -_-.

Anyway, today I wanted to talk about past few days I was away. I was leaving my hometown, sitting in the bus heading to the new town/village, which I didn’t know yet, that it’s gonna be added to the list of my most favourite places. I was listening to music the whole way there, thinking about the upcoming days. Overthinking queen in action. I guess I would win the “staring out of the window” contest at that time. I was travelling around 8 pm, so it was pretty dark outside, I was staring just to nothingness, slowly loosing my phone service, listening to those words from that particular song, reminding myself when I was leaving last time and how exciting it was.

I was happy to see my friend, with who I was supposed to spend next few days and her boyfriend and we drove home. I am always kinda scared when I come to unknown, new place like that, but this time, it was kind of a different feeling. Do you remember the when I was talking about the warm feeling of home? This was it. My another place I can feel like home. They accepted me with all of my cons and pros because that’s just life. I was feeling good, warm and surrounded by nice, funny and honest people. That one feeling is really really worth.

On 31st of December, so the last day of last year, they wanted to show me the place where I have never been, nature, village, mountains. So we just drove and drove and drove 🙂 As we were on our way, I had to stop M and have to like go out from the car, I needed to take a picture of this:

After a few minutes we were there. We are at a place which a lot of people wanna visit, place with THE view. My words are useless right now, I a just gonna show you:

Tbh, I was amazed by the beautiful nature, the view, and of course the height where we were standing. I have never been to a place like that and didn’t even know that something like this is hiding like one and half hour away from me! Definitely gonna come back there someday. After that we went all the way through the woods, I made a short and “fast” video from the journey, here is the link where you can find it: https://www.instagram.com/p/_9m8r_p5WC/?taken-by=ninu_s
I could’t upload it but I hope you’ll enjoy it anyway.

After that we made another awesome stop on out way home. We stopped by one house in the village to see …wait for it…does and deers! We were allowed to step inside of their “run” and also feed them. Some of them were shy but some of the bravest came to say “hi” and take apples from our hands. It was such a miracle, that “wild animals” are able to build up this kind of trust towards people. Sometimes not even people can trust like this.

Such a great shot! By my friend ♥

Of course:,,Happy New Year, and may the odd be ever in your favour” happened to us too, we were at the very top of the village seeing all of the fireworks from the whole district. Imagine seeing lights everywhere, noisy lights I suppose, laughter, crackers, champagne,cold weather you can’t even feel your hands and nice people all around you. Honestly, I enjoyed every single second of that. Heat of the moment kind of stuff.

I went there the next day on the 1st of January, when everyone were kinda busy, I needed to like walk a little and think. This is how it looked like during the day:

After I came to the house of my friends I was freezing and I couldn’t even feel my own hands. But still I lit up a cigarette, sat on the ground and just chilled and enjoyed the relaxing atmosphere of noone on the street, quietness,  thinking about last night, how nice it was, how I slept only 2 hours ( still alive!!) how much fun I had with people I’ve just met, and how freaking thankful I am for this!! I’ve been a loner for some time, but this was like a reminder from past, that I can be socially active if I try again, I can feel better.

Sky lines?

I just wanted to say big THANK YOU for this opportunity. It was a amazing time with you guys, you don’t even know how much it meant to me, that I could visit such beautiful places, meet nice and lovely people, taking pictures of things I love, being surrounded by good energy and chillout…dream 🙂 I know I will come back, I am sure.

Anyway, I hope you had a nice few days, Happy New Years day, no hangover (like me! yass!!) and I hope that this year, amazing things will happen. Believe me.

N.

P.s: No New years resolutions? What about you?