Generation Like? …

An interesting happening at University finally came to my life!!
I know you surely experienced boring days and lesson where you just wanted to jump out of the window because it would be more entertaining than that mess in front of you. Well, I was at the Media class and we watched a interesting movie called Generation Like and it was about social media, likes and stuff like that and after watching it we were supposed to write an essay about it. Hell yeah, finally something interesting!

My opinion? Here it is:

By the way- here’s the link to it:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/frontline/film/generation-like/ – if you’re interested.

„It’s all about likes.“

Try to be completely honest with yourself- if you posted some picture, whether it was a selfie or a picture of something that you like, you really wanted some feedback in a form of likes or even a comment. The perfect example of this was the “scene“  in the film where ordinary kids are talking about this particular topic – people want to be liked. Even though they might be claiming the exact opposite- they do. The thing is, people are putting out a piece of themselves into the wilderness of the Internet, with a little hope in their little heart, that yes, this is the content that is interesting and might interest other people as well. Those things define them and they want to show the society who they really are.

Then, there is the social currency. I mean, the more likes you get, the better you feel. To confess my sins, I was really into this “checking up on likes every single minute“  kind of thing, in the past. I’d lie if I say that I am 100% free of this, for some people, nonsense, today- but let’s face it, I am older now, having my own issues and things I am dealing with and well, I don’t care that much as I did.

We are giving and the Internet is accepting. We can call it as a social circle. All the content we post is something that will stay there forever. You may delete it but social media will still keep it (a red flag?). Sometimes, people are not even realizing what are they really posting, but once they hit „send“ button, it’s up there and they are no longer the only „owner“ of your word.

This digital revolution makes people think- what can I do to entertain people that much, they will be willing to hit the “like“ or “follow“ button?
I think that majority of teens nowadays all over the world are thinking about this right now, not knowing that all the other people are dealing with the same thing.

„How to outrun others?“
„How to come up with something that haven’t been here before?“
↓(And last, but not least) ↓
„How to be the best?“

Maybe those questions are the exact ones that are flying from side to side in a mind of a regular teen of nowadays. But yes, i tis still pretty individual – there are people, who do post, but don’t care about likes at all. I tis not their job to watch it, they are just having fun, creating, let’s just say  “ memory timeline“ , to keep the pictures they took alive for them and for the wider audience.

The process of technology is increasing from one day to another and we don’t even realize how much it changed our life and honestly, it still does. Chatting, liking, sharing following…everything makes us who we are.
The film really made me dig deeper, even though I was dealing with a similar topic at my personal blog, not such a long time ago.

The more interesting thing about the film was that the creators included ordinary children  and let them say what they think, how they feel about it all, not just some sore facts that would bore you to death.
It is still important not to forget who we are and how it was before the “social mess” even started. There are still people out there, not just chat bars where we talk on and on and on about things that we can chat outside, face to face rather than having for example an “emoji conversation”. But yes, it will never be how it was. Technology will not let you forget how it is now and won’t let you stop using your thumbs till you die.

People will always want to be liked, always will be hungry for attention and always will want to surprise you with something new.

At first I thought the film will also be about social bullying or even catfishing or maybe also about the (more)  negative site of social media, but at the end of the movie I realized that this really wasn’t the right time and a right place for it. There are so many other films that are dealing with that.
Well as a matter of fact, nowadays, you can do anything. You can bully other people or on the other side you can help them if they are in need. You can be truthful to people and (for example like their “stuff” in a truthful not in a fake way- if we want to be “in the topic”) or you can lie to everybody on social media like you never did before. You are picking sides at the very beginning.

But the most interesting thing is that you will never be able to mislead the truth.
Ask yourself.
I hope you know.

N.

Cloudy Friday and Occasional Numbness

“I’ve been waiting on you, just to say something real…”

Honestly, sometimes I am not a big fan of Fridays. But listen, don’t scorch me on the stake yet. It is most of the time when I have to stay in this little town, all alone, sitting in my room staring to the wall or to the computer because there is nothing better to do. But I also think that this “phase” is just some kind of autumn mood. Or maybe not. I didn’t really want to give away some of my thoughts lately because it would be still the same I guess, numbness filled up with no time.

Stereotypical Friday in this case, walking, to make it to the very very first lesson at university, while there’s still “dark” outside and coming back home under the drape of darkness again. A long day that didn’t really tell me nothing. No progress, no mood at the end of the day, even though the day was quite decent. I am having those states of mind from time to time, but maybe it’s just because it was a year a few days ago when I started to feel the way I still sometimes feel. Sometimes the nostalgic shitty stuff catch your feet for a few minutes and you catch yourself reminiscing and playing those memories in your head. But enough of this bullshit, it will never happen again. Grow up.
Saying “so what” really frees you, just have to brace yourself and go through it.

Today was the day, that maybe most of you experience from time to time- She came to see me and we started to talk. She was brief -The day when you’re walking home, feeling numb after the day and even your shoes seem to be really heavy, and we are not talking about your head completely filled up with thoughts. Seeing a young couple saying goodbye at the bus stop, realizing that you miss a ordinary hug from him. Simple as that. Missing a normal talk with him. Missing the warm feeling that you can actually really feel.
When he doesn’t even care that you two are not talking at all, just when necessary. That’s the thing that flies through your head more often in last few weeks. You know, trying to convince yourself that there will be no harm if you just make yourself to finally ask it when you know that it lays in your stomach for some time now.

Conscience:
Why are you still so fucking scared to ask a simple thing?
You want him to ask you something real?
Do it then?

Still no progress even though you were laying next to him at night, you cried because you were such a coward and you didn’t do it…and I note- again.

C:
Are you scared of the answer then?
Tell me.

Shit happens.

There are things you can talk about over text, but this is not one of them I guess. Time is slowly sprawling and one month flied away and there are still untold things hanging in vacuum like nothing happened.
I think it is not the best thing to do.

Sometimes it hurts when you don’t know what to do. There are things that take away your sanity during lonely nights and you are too tired to deal with them, so you go back to sleep.

The dark place is spinning and the curtain is falling onto the ground.

There is nothing left to say just- we will see. 

N.

“The tigers have found me and I don’t care.”

☼

I am sure, that every single one of you, once or twice in your life, went through some kind of grief. All the sad stuff that had happened, that you had to survive can’t ever be understood by other people. So, if somebody ever told you “yea, I get it, I understand”, they really don’t.
But they all get the plus point  for trying. At least.

The sadness and grief are most likely being composed into poems or some kind of structured post, maybe never shown to the world. I have came across a lot of them, but some were were written by a really broken souls (aka authors), that cam through so many shit…it was breaking m heart even reading it.

I suppose that the sentence “The tigers have found me and I do not care”, which came from a mastermind named Charles Bukowski , was especially a broken one. When I was going through the poem For Jane, it seems to be about a major heartbreak, misery, about love being taken away, about being scared and later after that not being scared at all…about knowing that this is the real end and the things that happened will never happen again…Life Circle? Indeed.

That quote reminds us, that it’s okay to feel pain, but we are still resilient and trying to fight it and fight it no matter what, because falling down to the dark pit of misery and cold, is not the best idea; well, I guess not even for your worst enemy.

People tend to think there is no way out, but really, there is- to look forward for any good moments in life.
You have to deal with your loss, even though it hurts as hell. Not to yield, but to start a battle. Not after this coffee, not tomorrow, not from another Monday. You have to start the battle against the soldier in a shiny armour with a feeling of hope. With a feeling that you can do it, if you just try.

So try it now.

N.

P.s: Don’t worry about the silence before the storm- it will always eventually go away.

“The memory is the scribe of the soul” – Part 2

I hope she comes back…if not in my dream, just in signs or happenings around me.

Today, I was staring out of the window and thinking about the things she told me. I was exhausted and people who were passing through the town on the other side of the window started to look blurry and shady…I didn’t want to fall asleep because that would be pretty inappropriate, because I was still sitting in classroom, praying for the clock to move faster.

I know she won’t come back, but as long as I know, nobody banned me from making up her story and continue…and it will always be up to you if it’s true or not. Because you know what? People will believe just to things they really wanna believe in.
Deep down I somehow wanna  continue in telling her story, even though I don’t really know it.

∴

The day after figuring out and telling him, she must have felt numb. She was exhausted. The flashbacks from last night were too real…but she couldn’t let him to do that. Well, you know, people still have manners. Even though she wanted, but there was no other solution than just say no. She was feeling calm and happy when he held her hand, but still too insecure just because the heat of the moment was really fleeting. Let’s just say she wanted to prolong it as much as possible.
She felt like she could tell him a lot from her past or present, but still not everything. Like most of the people, he was just a human and she was not sure if he’d handle that many information at once. Well she was never sure.

There were so any thoughts in her head…but still the next day and the next one and the next one, she felt calm. Even though the next day after next next day she was seeing him…she doesn’t know what is it that still make her to look into his eyes and feel something new… at least for that little moment.
But,luckily, she still doesn’t believe him, she knows this is weird and she can’t let any feelings to overwhelm her.

Maybe someday you will get it and stop asking so many stupid questions.

I still think of her as a fragile person.
And maybe she is just lost in these halls, as much as I am.

N.

“The memory is the scribe of the soul”

“How did you do that?”
“What?”
“Stopped feeling so cold.”
“Let me tell you…”

There are some points of your life when you are standing in the middle of the road and don’t know where to continue. Looking around yourself, trying to figure out which of the ways is the one for you- this is happening to me with writing, right now. There are so many things I can write about…but today, I am choosing a storytelling. I had a dream last night and I decided to tell you about it. I made up most of it, to fill in the gaps, but I feel confident about it anyway.

I had a friend who went through some really really messed up shit. I got to know her a very very long time ago and I knew that this is one of the worst times in her life. She didn’t even have to tell me, I knew. At the beginning of this year, when things started to become clearer and a little bit happier for her, she decided to see The Oracle. Not that she really believed in stuff like that, but just out of curiosity and a little bit of fun. I can’t really remember what was she saying to me about the things that The Oracle said to her, but one thing particularly stayed in my mind. The Oracle told her that something big will happen in next few years, most importantly in her love life. The only thing I remember from her is that one day, a guy will come from abroad, not speaking in her language, but he’s gonna be having some relations here, plus he’ll be working here and they will get to know each other and obviously fall in love. She was kinda surprised when she heard it because she didn’t believe and she was convinced that it will never happen. Like, duh, those things happen mostly in movies. Well more than a half of the year passed and she almost forgot about it. We have been meeting from time to time at the same place at the same time, in the same day of the month and were talking and talking… and the day came when she was quieter than usual. I was confused so I asked her what’s wrong. She told me, that she was thinking last few days about something. Well, as a good listener, I stayed quiet and let her to express what’s on your mind. She asked me if I remember those “bad times”, I just nodded, because I didn’t really wanted to interrupt her. And basically, all that happened was that the “prediction” about the guy from another place is starting to “take a form”.  Like, oh fuck, shit is becoming too real. I didn’t even believe my own ears when she told me. I don’t believe in Oracles…so I was confused. It is still at the beginning, she told me, and she doesn’t know where it’s gonna head from here….
I remember I wanted to ask something, but after that I woke up in the middle of the night, with a very very soar throat. I really really wanted to know how it continued!

I don’t really have dreams like this. I mean, I don’t even have dreams that I remember, so it scared me a lot actually. But then I went to sleep again and I was thinking about it after I woke up that morning. Well, as Aristotle once said- “Memory is a scribe of a soul”, I am glad I remembered it and was able to write it down before the memory flies away in a gust of wind trying to play with my hair.

Do you think I will ever hear from the girl again?
Because I would really love to know how her story will end…
We will see.

Till then…

N.

P.s: …I will try to look through these windows, maybe I will see her somewhere.